I’m going on 3 yrs in my CODA recovery and while I will definitely say I am not fully recovered or “there,” I think I can safely say that I’ve made a LOT of progress in changing my life to a more peaceful or sensible one. (Compared to the insanity I was facing prior to joining Codependents Anonymous) As practiced in the program, it’s always about “practice, not perfection”… because perfectionism doesn’t exist in this world! If it did, we would be playing God… and as far as I know, nothing is really perfect is it? Our computers aren’t even perfect all the time.

I don’t know how far along you are in your recovery, but I can almost guarantee you that the further you go in your Step work, you will see that 99% of the interactions that happen out there with people (whether that’s family, friends or strangers) is out of “reactionary” mode to you… versus for who you actually ARE in person or what you are DOING.

I think that’s the gift we get in recovery that unfortunately, most others don’t… (well, people -can- get distinctions or certain tools from other programs and such, there isn’t exactly a right way to everything).. is that -I get the concept that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I take care of myself first. I’m not responsible for helping making others happy, although it’s often difficult to not try to “fix,” but that’s part of the process in practicing my program. I sometimes hate using the same CODA verbage, but it’s true when you think about it…

And yes, you are right when you say, “healthy is considered ‘sick’ by most people.” I used to have major hang-up’s with the word “selfish” because my Dad said I used to be one.. when he was the most selfish one of all. No, we are selfish because we love our Higher Power and ourselves first, then we can help be of service to others. :) That’s real recovery.

PS. Sorry.. I want to say thank you Melissa for having this site. I was looking for the subject of “No Contact” with former sick people (or co-dependents) and somehow landed on your page, not sure how. Always grateful to people who are here serving the untreated and suffering Co-dependent.

Then take all the drama showing on TV. Most of them always show that you have to go all out for love, even if it’s unhealthy love, without it you will suffer in silence.

This article is truly a breeze of fresh air, showing interdependence relationship which every one basically has to pursue. The happier and content we are with ourselves, the easier it will be to get people with the same wavelength together.

Just found your site, and the content is just awesome… Thanks for sharing Melissa :)

I really enjoyed your article, especially this quote:

“…allowing another person to be responsible for themselves (even if that means occasional failure) is a very compassionate act.”

What a profound lesson you learned from your students… and how great that it was a win-win when you let go of having to be responsible for them. Thanks for sharing!