Anger’s gutsy
If anger didn’t have the guts to speak up when it wanted to — then let’s face it; it wouldn’t be anger. It would be something weaker, like complacency, or agreeableness. Or something fancy, like diplomacy.
Anger is supposed to be short-tempered and sharp-tongued — because it is a defense system.
Anger alarms you of when something is clearly “wrong.” It tells you that there is something you need to fear.
If the alarm signal had a delay, of say, five or ten minutes, then biologically speaking, it wouldn’t do your survival any good.
It’s the fast, loud-and-clear alarm signal that’s good for you, that does the job. Not the delayed or muted one.
Gutsy’s good
But what happens when the signal is good? When your anger’s gutsy, and speaks up when it wants to?
You complain about it not being “nice” or “pleasant.”
Well, maybe you don’t, but a lot of people do. A lot of people don’t realize that they have a perfectly well-functioning alarm-signal, called anger — and it isn’t toxic or evil, just sharpened from years of evolution.
Which means they don’t know that they have that built-in system for life, put there to protect their life. And they won’t ever realize that it’s their job to do something about the signal, whenever it goes off.
Anger is logical
What’s to be done each time it goes off? Well, it’s different each time. It depends on a lot of circumstances.
Sometimes the anger is based on accurate information, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s justified, sometimes it’s not (which makes it even harder to recognize and acknowledge). Sometimes it’s being pulled by the strings of a dysfunctional belief, which skews your cognitions in all sorts of distorted ways. And you need to know when that happens, so you can correct the thinking. If you never express the anger, then the faulty thinking cannot be exposed.
The bottom line is, when the signal fires — it fires for a reason. It fires because your brain was connected and network and conditioned in such a way as to signal “danger” for whatever external or internal stimuli provoked the alarm signal so.
Anger needs a sharp tongue, and you need to listen
Anger has such a sharp tongue — because if it doesn’t, it’ll never get your attention. Which is all it needs and all it lives for — your consideration.
Whatever do you do after hearing your anger out? Well that’s for you rational mind to decide. That’s where mindfulness can kick in.
Anger will deliver vital information or misinformation (which you need to know so you can correct it) about your survival, but you are the one who has to take action.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Anger is quite a primal behaviour of humans, considering more often than not assertiveness would be an adequate communicative response. Instinctual anger can be seen as unaidful in most social situations by the socially more developed, being aware that threats to survival are rarely presented in general modern day life.
I have come to understand anger exhibited in non danger situations in terms of human ethology, it’s an emotional expression that is also offensive as well as defensive, being a confrontational dominating or defying behaviour towards others promoting risk of opposing aggression, injury and mortality.
The benefits of this instinctual drive of exhibiting anger is used in a self prospering dominating and usurping way to achieve higher social ranking even leadership or for keeping the individuals socially perceived hierarchal position intact when they believe this is threatened in someway.
This being an innate imperative to help secure future genetic dominance and effectual offspring rearing having probably also gained higher proportions of available resources.
Mark, thanks for sharing your reflection.
Very fine point about assertiveness often being an adequate behavioral response to feelings of anger.
The article discusses anger as a signal, not angry behavior as a response to initial feelings of anger. The behavioral response one chooses after acknowledging, expressing, and listening to their feelings of anger, will depend on each situation.
It’s tempting to assume anger is unaidful because it’s usually not contingent upon the life-or-death situations for which it is biologically primed. However, it’s more rewarding and constructive to view anger simply as a defense signal.
Anger is useful because it conveys personal valence about a given situation. Part of being more socially developed is being receptive to such signals at finer and finer levels of distinction, so that you can make more meaning of social events and so that you can be more self-aware, and especially more cognizant of your assumptive networks.
Additionally, being in touch with your anger can increase your resourcefulness, as working with anger constructively provides you more resources than you would have if you ignored or suppressed your feelings.
I feel anger so infrequently I often cannot remember it’s last occurrence. I have noticed that it’s most often when I am mentally drained or in-between sleep and wake. I sometimes wonder how much of my lack of experience of anger is due to innate traits and how much could be due to some kind of automatic diffusion when I am alert enough to see through it. The thing I find I need to be careful of is making sure I externalize it when it should be because the alarm can quickly fade away. Then an opportunity is lost.
Exactly Odin. When the signal is “lost” it’s very tricky to get back to what it was originally meant to inform you of. But anger can’t be suppressed very successfully in the long-term without leading to negative mental, emotional, or health side-effects.
I’ve found myself less easily angered by things when the following occurs:
1) I have a clearer understanding of my expectations for others and myself
2) I have healthier personal boundaries set in place
3) I have healthy agreements set in place with myself and with others whom I’m close to
4) I understand another person’s psychology more in-depth, and can thus give them “the benefit of the doubt” more often, and for more founded reasons, rather than from just grace
5) I’ve already processed anger in regards to a similar issue, and can better understand what is happening and why it’s upsetting me
But if I’m less easily angered because of some other reason that’s not at all related to the above… then it’s usually a sign that I’m just more isolated from others (interpersonal friction is what triggers most anger), or I’m in some way suppressing my anger.
It’s a lifelong process, being mindful of your feelings of anger, but it is well worth it, and practical if you want to increase your effectiveness and resourcefulness in life.