Sounds easy, right?
Then why is it so hard?!?
Well, being straightforward about your feelings is a challenge when you grow up in a culture that polarizes emotions as out to get you and paints them as the take-down of your logical, rational mind (which is an irrational fear).
This formula is good for you
You’ve probably already learned from elementary school about the easy way to express your feelings without putting anyone else on the defensive in a mean way.
It’s a magic formula helps you put your feelings back into perspective by reminding you that:
- Your feelings form your reaction to a given situation
- It is your response ability to work with them independently, and if need be communicate them constructively — whenever someone else has given you cause for pain or any other uncomfortable feeling.
The formula is:
I feel this when you do that.
Or, for when you need to try extra hard to get the other person’s attention:
When you do that, I feel this.
Sometimes it’s more productive to finish the statement with “because…”
But if you’re lucky enough to be talking to someone who cares about you, who won’t argue with or deflect your feelings, then the conversation that follows will fill in that “because…” if it was fuzzy to begin with.
Magic won’t solve all your problems, but will get you started
And if you’re not so lucky, well you can healthily deflect right back, and be on your way, knowing that you at least had the courage and the follow-through to confront the problem and begin finding constructive responses to your pain.
It doesn’t mean they will see how their actions hurt you or understand your point of view — but it will mean that you chose to react peacefully rather than in retaliation, which can happen consciously or subconsciously so.
That retaliation accounts for most of the mess that our world finds itself in today.
Change the world with magic
So use the magic formula. If it seems silly or petty at first — good.
You may have found your roundabout ticket to success; take your time to judge it if you have to, and to reflect on how tough, together, or adult you want to appear.
And soon enough, you’ll see that using magic is the most adult thing you can do.
It’s a simple formula, but it’s not always easy.