Emotional Outspokenness: Crass Comes Before Class

by Melissa Karnaze

Girl playing in the sandboxWhen it comes to being forward in public and emotionally honest with everyone, crass comes before class.

There’s no easy way around it.

If you are going to put yourself out there, it’s going to take time to refine.

You’re breaking out from the nice mold, from Mr. or Ms. Agreeable, and it will surprise people at first. It might even shock them.

You take that risk though when you see that the prize is worth more than the fake persona.

Sure, you might come out more outspoken than you intended, more confrontational than others can stomach, and you might botch your words because you let your anger speak for you. But that’s the first step. The pendulum swings to the ends of extreme before it finds pleasant center.

When you get comfortable being emotionally outspoken, pretty soon you won’t want to go back to emotional docility, where you always pay the price in the end. You’ll see how much more productive addressing issues and feelings head-on actually is, and you’ll naturally find ways to strike class with your outspoken.

Slowly, you’ll find center, and return to the magic formula for expressing hurt feelings, of “I feel this when you do that.”

And kazam, classy will be you, and the next time you get angry, or frustrated, or put-off in public — your blood won’t have to boil your words unintelligible and you’ll be able to speak to the real issue in stride.

Until then, embrace the crass that comes with learning a new skill, and forget what anyone else thinks of you while you’re transitioning to an emotionally healthier life — they may never understand the kind of intelligence you are aspiring to anyway.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Toni lamb October 18, 2009 at 2:04 am

Great post, NO lie! I love your conent because it’s so new and fresh compared to what’s floating around the Internet right now. They all sound like a bunch of broken records trying to compete with each other & further pissing off their potential readers! What’s ironic is me readying this post right now which is the very thing I’m being challenged with right now. I’ve been working on my blog for over a year now & this is the part that is conflicting for me, so thank you for a great post!

Melissa Karnaze October 18, 2009 at 9:12 am

Aw, thanks Toni. If you ever need some encouragement to start your blog, know that I’d love to see you share your bullshit-detecting ways with the public. We need more of that in this world. :)

Yeah, it still is challenging to hold this staunch vision of emotional resilience when most of what’s written out there still echoes the archaic mythic divide of emotion and reason (aka bad and good)… but you just drum on. And people who want to hear the message will find you. All the best!

Kelley Mitchell October 21, 2009 at 10:00 am

It would also be great if my face didn’t get so red!

Thanks Melissa. I loved this post.

Melissa Karnaze October 21, 2009 at 10:15 am

But rosy cheeks are purty! Thanks Kelley. :p

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