There’s no easy way around it.
If you are going to put yourself out there, it’s going to take time to refine.
You’re breaking out from the nice mold, from Mr. or Ms. Agreeable, and it will surprise people at first. It might even shock them.
You take that risk though when you see that the prize is worth more than the fake persona.
Sure, you might come out more outspoken than you intended, more confrontational than others can stomach, and you might botch your words because you let your anger speak for you. But that’s the first step. The pendulum swings to the ends of extreme before it finds pleasant center.
When you get comfortable being emotionally outspoken, pretty soon you won’t want to go back to emotional docility, where you always pay the price in the end. You’ll see how much more productive addressing issues and feelings head-on actually is, and you’ll naturally find ways to strike class with your outspoken.
Slowly, you’ll find center, and return to the magic formula for expressing hurt feelings, of “I feel this when you do that.”
And kazam, classy will be you, and the next time you get angry, or frustrated, or put-off in public — your blood won’t have to boil your words unintelligible and you’ll be able to speak to the real issue in stride.
Until then, embrace the crass that comes with learning a new skill, and forget what anyone else thinks of you while you’re transitioning to an emotionally healthier life — they may never understand the kind of intelligence you are aspiring to anyway.