How a Broken Heart Mends Herself

by Melissa Karnaze

wet pink rose petalWhen the heart grieves, she does it with soul.

She doesn’t rush herself, she doesn’t stay on the surface, she doesn’t do what’s supposed to be done.

She mourns, day and night, through consciousness and sleep… for as long as it takes… to slowly trust again.

When the heart is breached, by loss, betrayal, conflict, or trauma, she feels the blow. She shakes and she trembles. And she almost forgets that she has to beat… that she has to go on, for the body, for the mind, for the Soul.

But she does, because she’s strong. And she knows what she has to do to survive.

She knows what she has to do to heal. She has to feel.

All of it. Everything. The pain. The loss. The fury. The devastation. The sudden confusion. The emptiness. The ache — that never seems to go away.

She has to feel every bit of it, so she can learn… to love again.

Because the heart, she loves. That’s why she beats.

When she’s set back, she’s set back.

And you need to step back with her.

Give her time. Give her space. Listen to her needs. Trust her pain. Hear her story. And stay by her side.

When your heart is broken, she needs you the most. She needs you to know that you’ll both be okay.

The heart is so delicate because she is strong. So strong that she can love boldly, without ever looking back. That makes her vulnerable. That means she gets hurt. But she risks getting hurt, because she was meant to love.

A broken heart will heal, with enough tears, enough hugs, enough mornings slept in, enough walks among the trees, enough talks with good friends, and enough retreats into the inner realm of realizing what you have lost, and what you never can lose.

You don’t have to mend a broken heart. You just have to nurse her. You just have to be patient, and brave, and unafraid of your sorrow.

When you do this, mindfully, your heart will mend herself.

And it will be beautiful. Because she will love again.

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Miche October 25, 2009 at 10:30 am

Melissa, this is SO beautifully written, and so reaffirming. What a great reminder to give ourselves the time to feel, and eventually to heal, and to be okay while realizing there are no real shortcuts in that process. Thank you so much for sharing this. -Miche :)

Melissa Karnaze October 25, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Miche, thank you for reading. :)

Toni October 26, 2009 at 1:30 am

I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your blog posts! I’m not just saying that either, really! There are only a handful of blogs I enjoy reading, but seth godin’s is my absolute favorvite & today your blog just got added to my favorites. I love how you relate marketing with emotional intelligence. I think those two go hand in hand & is what makes a successful marketer/blogger/entrepreneur. This is a really big message I’ve been trying to spread to other marketers but It is so hard to get seen by people on these social networking sites. Please continue to write beautiful and intriguing blog post like this & I will be more than happy to spread them to as many people as possible. You are a very beautiful, creative, insightful writer who stands out from so many & I’m impressesd:)

Melissa Karnaze October 26, 2009 at 7:45 am

Toni, thank you so much for your kind words! As I see it, emotions are connected to everything. Thank you so much for helping me spread the message!! :)

Kelley Mitchell October 27, 2009 at 8:56 pm

That was incredibly beautiful Melissa. I’ve only been following you for a couple of weeks now, but this is my favorite piece. I have printed this post off and am looking for a suitable frame. I need to be able to see it everyday.

Melissa Karnaze October 27, 2009 at 9:11 pm

Thanks Kelley. I have so enjoyed reading your comments these past weeks.

You know, this was one of my favorites, if not my favorite, to write. It came more naturally, like writing a poem. And it didn’t have to prove anything or strike a pact with bullet points or other logical stuff that articles usually need. Plus, it was healing for me to write out. :)

Cihan November 17, 2009 at 3:48 pm

‘Love heals the wound it makes’ apparently.

Personally I found time was the healer. Or more specifically: memory loss. Over time you lose bits of your memory. Memory loss is the healer.

Cynical Cihan today! But lovely article as always Mel.

Melissa Karnaze November 17, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Aw, Eternal Sunshine (for the Spotless Mind) can’t be the only answer to heartbreak!

Memories can fade over time, if you don’t maintain them. It’s really the story that gets changed, how you view the original pain and its aftermath, that can heal. And the only way to get there, to a sound story of strength and healing, is to let the heart feel everything she needs to feel.

Yes, in a way she’s bound to get hurt and create her own wounds — but yeah, that’s cynical! She has to understand the hurt to learn how to really love boldly.

Cihan November 17, 2009 at 11:51 pm

Actually it also helps if your ex turns out to be deviously crazy, makes you feel like you dodged a bullet!

The heart is a strong organ, but as you point out, a healthy mind makes it stronger.

LaVeer December 14, 2009 at 4:28 pm

I absolutely love your message on the heart. I agree with you “Wholeheartedly.” I have a wonderful loving heart, this, of course, has caused me to suffer at times when I allowed myself to be vulnerable only to get disappointed or abandoned later. However, this lovely heart of mine keeps on beating and readily opens to love and trust again. I love my heart and how strong she is and I really appreciate your blog.

Melissa Karnaze December 14, 2009 at 4:54 pm

LaVeer, that’s wonderful to hear. It’s amazing how getting heartbroken can actually make you so much stronger in the end. Thank you for sharing the story of your lovely heart, and modeling for all of us a healthy way to relate to our hearts as well. :)

Kirsty November 10, 2010 at 7:53 am

Thanks for this Melissa, it helps as I am going through a loss of a loved one as we speak and I was trying to find short cuts. Your words have been truly touching and very inspirational. I now know that eventually I may love again and that is what the heart is designed to do – Thank you

Melissa Karnaze November 10, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Kirsty, I’m sorry for your loss. There are so many opportunities for short cuts but the pain shows how great you loved, and still do.

Sinei David November 15, 2010 at 11:33 pm

I feel like crying (the bitter, sweet kind).

Ordinarily, I would suppress this emotion.

But, I have been taught (and continue to learn) well. :-)


David June 15, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I love the piece, and being reminded of how walking among the trees feels so at home to me at times.

Bash May 30, 2014 at 2:55 am

I cried when I finished reading this.
My girlfriend dumped me just last monday, and I’ve been living alone, and quite frankly lost.

This. Posts like this are what keeps guys like me going.

Phaedra August 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Hello Melissa
Its so amazing how what I just read pertains to me right now right this moment in my life. Thank you very much for your beautiful words. I am in a healthy healing process right now in my life so I can relate one hundred percent to every word. I am so proud of my self because i am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing and thats letting my heart go through her motions I was not fully aware of everything but now I am. Thank you once again.

Betty Anne April 23, 2015 at 5:58 pm

Having just ended a codependent relationship, and realizing I had fallen back into “the old ways”. I came upon this website. Thank you. We all need someone to kick our ass and then provide the arms to hold us sometimes. This blog had me crying in a good and healthy way. I was trying to be stoic and strong and not listening, not acknowledging and not being patient. Wonderful how what we need is always there if we are aware and willing.

Leave a Comment

By clicking "Submit" you understand that your submission may be edited or rejected at my discretion, and/or used in upcoming articles or publications. Unconstructive criticism, personal attacks, and requests for personal advice likely will not be published. Please refer to my Disclaimer if you have any questions.

{ 3 trackbacks }