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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Jolene October 29, 2009 at 11:49 am

Thank you for this article. Almost a year ago, I spent time in a DBT class after a difficult period of my life. Since then I have been trying to learn to -own- my emotions, accept them and express them constructively. It’s always helpful to hear reinforcement that the learning process is a bumpy road and those bumps are not really knocking you backward.
Fabulous site.

Melissa Karnaze October 29, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Jolene, thanks so much for sharing.

Yes, the first part of the journey is bumpy, full of doubts and suspicions of counter-productivity. But it’s smoother sailing once you start to trust yourself. One secret is, every step “back” means a giant leap forward. :)

Monkey Magic October 29, 2009 at 7:49 pm

Great points there. True that when you learn to deal with your emotions, it’s quite scary. Sometimes I feel like just turning it all off and run away from whatever causing it. But when I finally decided to face it, I do feel that I went out stronger than before. And yes, it’s worth every single effort since we are living in a world full of people (and yes, everyone has their own emotional bits and pieces whether they acknowledge it or not). Anyways, thanks for writing =D

Melissa Karnaze October 30, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Hey Monkey Magic, that’s great to hear. Good point about living in a world full of people! We do need to get our emotional acts together so we can get along better. :)

Krishna November 3, 2009 at 3:41 am

Since I started meditating and understanding just a bit better, how we are wired mentally, I have been unabashedly in touch with my emotions.

We have been taught various mechanisms (games, if you will) to NOT get in touch with our emotions. Some techniques – (1) Labelling emotions – to sadness/grief is “sissy”, pride is “bad” etc, (2) elevating logic above emotions – be “professional”, lets approach this “logically”…

It doesn’t work. Ignoring emotions – the signals our mind and body are giving us, just makes us ineffective.

Well, I am sure you feel a bit weird now talking about this in your blog. Expect many more people to join in with you in the days ahead :-).


Melissa Karnaze November 3, 2009 at 10:10 am

Krishna, unabashedly is the way to go! I love the way you break it down.

The weirdness has worn off for me, now it’s just fun, especially when reading comments like yours that talk about the bigger picture. :) Thanks so much for sharing your perspective Krishna!

Laurie Corzett January 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm

We have desires to tell us in which direction to move

Suffering is there to tell us that something is wrong

The ego is our saviour, martyred to our cause

The ego is an organizing principal and figurehead. It doesn’t drive anything. Desires are emotional attachments. Emotions (e – motion) want to move us in the direction that makes them more comfortable. Suffering is a signal. It tells us we are out of balance. The point of suffering is not punishment but warning that you need to get your balance back.

Melissa Karnaze January 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hi Laurie,

Yes, suffering is a signal. And yet, so many religions, cultures, and movements try to get rid of suffering, rather than listen to its message!

Yes, the Ego is so special. It’s the personification of our suffering, which means it has so many complex messages to share about how we can get our balance back…

Thanks for your comment!

Dave January 19, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Whats this year you are talking about?

“A year from now, it won’t be weird to say that emotions are intelligent. Right now, it still is. But I’ll risk sounding like a broken record until that day comes. Because it’s a message this world needs right now.”

And why after this year will it not be weird to say that emotions are intelligent?

Melissa Karnaze January 19, 2010 at 11:38 pm

A year from the “now” of this article would be October 28, 2010. But that’s optimistic. It won’t be as weird in the future because eventually more and more subcultures will catch on to how emotions are useful tools. :)

Kirsten Olson Malinee August 27, 2010 at 8:37 am

I’m very glad I read this. I’m just beginning to practice ‘Insight Meditation’ and know very little about the process. I am grateful to hear your perspective, the perspective of your grandfather and know more about this history. (Understanding that history and current situations cannot be separated from one another.)
I am an acting teacher and talk to my classes about expanding their emotional comfort zone and their capacity for human being-ness. (Which has a lot to do with not working to produce emotion, but letting emotion happen because your are fully engaged by the characters’ desires and actions.) I also encourage them to think of acting as a service profession. As actors we take on the responsibility of feeling what audiences are often afraid to feel for themselves – and as actors we have to develop the capacity to take that on. I can’t articulate, right now, why – but I want to share this article with my students. Somehow this article relates directly to what I work to teach. I am going to think about this more so I can uncover exactly how and why this article sparks this response for me.
Thank you,

Melissa Karnaze August 28, 2010 at 11:12 am

It’s great to see you again Kirsten! I believe your comment was intended for the article, “The Dark Side of Mindfulness Meditation.” If so, sorry for the glitch, it happened with the last comment for that article and I’m trying to fix it!

“I also encourage them to think of acting as a service profession. As actors we take on the responsibility of feeling what audiences are often afraid to feel for themselves – and as actors we have to develop the capacity to take that on.”

What a beautiful way to envision one of the many services of acting!

Feel free to share articles with your students, or whomever might find them useful. I appreciate that the source link stays with the content. :)

Maybe you find the topic of mindfulness meditation relevant to your students because it stresses the importance of staying engaged and connected to your feelings, no matter how difficult that gets? And actors who are mindful of that service you mentioned need to be especially keen on this?

There are many practices, habits, and mindsets, in addition to meditation, that encourage people to disengage (from the uncomfortable feelings) in a variety of subtle but definite ways. It’s pretty much anywhere you look!

Adrian Robinson October 4, 2014 at 1:03 am

I have spent the last 30 minutes reading your blogs on mindfulness and emotions. I came here to hear someone confirm conclusions I had been coming to for myself in the last year or so.
Since 1997 I used zen buddhist meditation called zazen in the (dysfunctional) way you’ve outlined in several articles. In the last 6 months (I am now 44 years old) I have begun to ‘hug’ myself. Its hard to explain but you explain it well in your articles. My emotional self has a dark and light side (yin / yang). At present I am going through some tough emotions. I find it hard to articulate my gratitude to you .

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