This post was mentioned on Twitter by mindfulconstrct: Use Your Emotion Toolkit Like a Man http://mindfulconstruct.com/lm pls RT…

Of course, I would argue that access to emotions is not worlds apart for men and women, as there are many ways to train yourself to trace behaviors and become more sensitive. But I am all ears on this. Any other male readers, your feedback is encouraged.

Blubbering uncontrollably is a powerful expression of emotion, for sure. I think big hurdles to getting there are social inhibition and mental inhibition, which can be subconscious, too. Letting yourself blubber uncontrollably is hard, because it requires total surrender to the moment — logical and/or adult mind shoved aside — and reverting to what was easy when you were a toddler.

You bring up an excellent point about evolutionary biology steering socio-cultural reality. I’m going to think hard on that one for a while. :)

But it’s freakin’ hard to cry. When you do, it makes you feel more alive, but I don’t get there very often. I’m not just talking about the misty eyes you get at a really touching movie moment or the sad tears at your grandfather’s funeral. I’m talking about BLUBBERING UNCONTROLLABLY. That’s the one that really feels good. But that doesn’t happen very often.

And I do believe that it must have something to do with hormones and evolutionary biology, which is what steers socio-cultural reality. I don’t believe that the genders are all that different, but there are a handful of differences that make us worlds apart. Access to emotions is one of these.

How much of the “don’t-feel” or at least “don’t-cry-about-it” program is in fact biological? I think society has a heavy hand in it all. I feel for men. Media throws shit their way every single day, from trying to sell them sex 24/7 to prying on their insecurities by shoving cia1is in their face.

I think culture is a culprit in why men have a hard time feeling, but there are also biological factors. I just don’t know how deep the sex differences go… yet. And until I do start studying it more in depth, I’ll hear the soundbites — like the recent “women are better than men at detecting emotion” — with lots of salt. Who cares? (How does that even factor in culture? And is it even relevant to everyday life?) What matters is that men and women learn smart ways to stay emotionally healthy, and learn from each other. This is getting onto a rant, that’s how much I feel for men.

But anyway, WN, can you tell me more about why it feels more *biological* than socio-cultural? I really want to know more, especially from a man’s perspective.

Miche, thank you for your feedback! I think men are not only discredited, but set up for discredit from a young age. But yeah, I find the toolkit analogy really helpful. It helps you switch from feeling like a victim of your emotions, to being lucky to have them by your side!

Odin, dust off your tools already! :P I’m so happy the article came across as shining light on maleness. You know, to man up for this post, no ordinary music would do.

Nope, I had to man up on tons of Jonnhy Cash’s “Rusty Cage.” I had to really put myself in a man’s shoes, and Cash’s low voice really got me there.

I’m glad you like Plutchik’s blueprint! It is my *favorite* visualization of emotions.

I certainly see myself as someone who frequently “mans up”, but my biggest challenge is Number 1 – keeping my tools clean. More of trying to operate without my tools actually, so they collect dust :-P Luckily it doesn’t take long digging a hole with my hands before I figure out I should grab a shovel!

Excellent article, and thanks for sharing Plutchik’s blueprint of emotions too, I found that very interesting as well.

I really loved this. This is a great resource and will be one for a while to come, I’m sure!
Cheers,
Miche “)

In 7th grade, I was hanging out with a large group of friends, mixed company, and I slipped and broke my radius and ulna while running on the concrete, my bone grotesquely protruding out of my skin. I fought the tears back hard, and it worked.

I have more stories like this, but my point is, men aren’t conditioned to “not feel.” Something biological tells us not to.

Yet, in the modern world, the instinct to suppress emotions actually works against our success. And that’s why it’s tricky, and downright confusing, to be a man.