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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Cole Bitting January 8, 2010 at 8:26 am

Why does realism have to look so dark to some?

If you know when you’re content, you have to know when your not. If you effort happiness during those ‘not-happy’ moments, you diminish the ability to know and feel the true-happy.

Great blog post!

Happy New Year,
Cole

Melissa Karnaze January 8, 2010 at 6:17 pm

I think realism is very dark, as well as very light. I saw “The Road” last night. It was heavy and dark, realistic (given that post-apocalyptic scenario), as well as optimistic.

Great point about losing touch with true-happy when you try to force (or fake) it.

Happy New Year to you too Cole!

Haider January 9, 2010 at 9:17 am

Beautiful post, Melissa!

I find it irritating when people promote the idea that happiness should be experienced, regardless of what’s going on in your life. No, emotions (the whole lot of them) are there are a reason, and each plays a necessary role in our lives.

This whole idea that you can (and should) be happy for no apparent reason is not only flawed, but extremely dangerous. It robs us of the true value our emotions can bring to our lives.

This is the first blog post I read over hear, but I look forward to reading many more! Sadly, I no longer find many blogs I can readily agree with.

All the best!

Aurora January 9, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I love this.

All the happiness talk that’s been going on lately has been bugging me, and I couldn’t figure out why. And I felt like if I said anything, the reaction from the happy people would be, “Oh, you’re just jealous.”

But I’m not jealous, because the happy bloggers are, well, kind of boring. I don’t WANT to be like them.

I’m definitely an optimist. But I think that’s more about actions, and the hard work you’re talking about, than emotions.

Odin Xenobuilder January 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I saw The Road also. Very different from what I was expecting, but I still enjoyed it. Even the parts to brought tears to my eyes. Happiness is a part of life, and so is sadness, you can’t know one without knowing and being periodically reminded by experience of the other. The Road was such a heavy dose of sorrow, I could hardly believe the end. I wish more films delivered as much realism as that one did.

Melissa Karnaze January 9, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Haider, thanks for the great comment! I just read your article, Negative Emotions Are Healthy, and it’s so great to see another blogger on the same page. We’re a minority these days. :)

Aurora, I’ve noticed that the really happy people don’t go *broadcasting* it all the time. And that those who do broadcast, are actually trying to mask something. (And they eventually become stagnant, or like you say, boring.)

The really happy people spend as much time as they can doing the things they absolutely love, and being with the people they absolutely care about. Being “happy in public” actually takes away from those two at a certain point.

Odin, indeed The Road was a heavy dose of sorrow. And you know, as much as it disturbed me, it made me see just how much our human civilization (yeah, even if it’s often a dysfunctional one) I have to be thankful for. I don’t think any other movie has delivered that message so clearly.

The film transported me from our world, and when it was over, I was like, “Wait, where am I? These buildings, these roads, they’re all just constructs that could be taken away at any time.” I’d never been so thankful for seeing other cars on the freeway. :)

Kelley Mitchell January 10, 2010 at 10:17 am

I tend to avoid all those happy people on Twitter and other blogs who broadcast how happy they are and want to help you be happy too. Blech! Perhaps you’re right in that they are trying to mask something with their constant letting-us-know-how-happy-they-are talk.

Melissa Karnaze January 10, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Kelley, it’s hard to avoid! I’ve just trained myself to skim and filter… looking for the gems amidst all the noise. Twitter’s hard work sometimes, but worth it!

I actually keep an eye out for the overtly happy types… usually the hidden story comes out later on, and it’s clear not to invest too much premature trust. But of course, that doesn’t mean all outward happiness is forced. Because genuine happiness is also infectious. :)

Odin Xenobuilder January 11, 2010 at 9:14 am

These buildings, these roads, they’re all just constructs that could be taken away at any time.

Wow, that is an interesting insight to have, I did not think of that and make the connection with my world.

Melissa Karnaze January 11, 2010 at 10:56 am

Yeah, it shows just how vulnerable we humans are! In a very eerie and gloomy, but much-needed, humbling way. :)

WN January 11, 2010 at 11:42 am

I have no idea what this post says.

The baby photo of you says everything that I need to get me through the day.

You are too, too, unfairly CUTE!!!

Umm, also, this might be your most personal post yet…

Melissa Karnaze January 11, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Aw, thanks WN.

I do try not to get personal in articles unless it’s really needed, but blogging has been blurring the lines lately. :P

Robb S. January 20, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Great website and +1 on the cute pic :P.

I definitely agree about being resilient, but also recognizing that life isn’t a walk in the park and some parts of the road will be dark.

If we can’t experience deep darkness once in a while, the happy moments won’t feel as good when you do get them because you will have lost the sense of perspective.

Melissa Karnaze January 26, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Thanks Robb!

Yes, *perspective* is key.

Duff October 20, 2010 at 12:13 am

Just found your blog, apologies for posting a comment on this old post.

So far I appreciate your perspective here–a much needed reasonableness in a sea of aggressive ideological positivity, but still written in the language self-help ADHD blog readers can scan easily.

For me, I have given up writing for the masses and now cater to a loftier crowd. Keep on spreading the gospel of resilience!

Melissa Karnaze October 23, 2010 at 9:37 am

Thanks for the comment Duff, old articles aren’t off limits. :)

Happiness August 18, 2011 at 2:21 am

Can anyone define the word Happiness? What is Happiness we do not know because every single person has its own meaning of happiness. Finding the ways to be happy in life is only a way that can make everyone happy in this world.

Elisa Yip April 14, 2014 at 4:44 am

Great post!

You also find the rich spectrum of human emotions – not just happiness – in art. Heaven forbid what art would look like if it was all just happiness inspired.

I’ve read that some of the greatest literary pieces have been written during a depressive state by an author. I may be biased though, because I find great beauty in art and literature with dark overtones. Caravaggio, Shakespeare’s tragedies, Esclaflowne OST (Japanese anime)…they all shake my soul with the sheer depth and breadth of emotion. Even if most of it’s somewhat sad :).

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