Netiquette is such a work in progress… and bloggers are in a good position to see that!

But, that doesn’t mean that feelings can’t get hurt. I usually work with the (hurt) feelings first, figure out why I had my reaction, and then go back and assess where the other person’s coming from and to what extent I can use their criticism to help refine my message/thinking/clarity.

Ignoring criticism is a fine line to draw. At some point, it’s necessary for holding boundaries. But often, it’s easy to pretend like you can ignore just because you don’t want to feel the effects of hearing it. The difference between the two is something I’m paying more attention to with the comments on this blog.

Haider, so great to hear about more synchronicity!

Milk is another term I love to use in this regard. So glad you mentioned it, ’cause milk conflicted with the orange squeezing image, so I opted to keep it out. :P

That would be a great exercise to do on your blog, would you pop a linky here if and when you do post it?

Had I simply ignored the comment or condemned the commenter for being an idiot, I wouldn’t have walked away with a lesson to learn from, and I’d be following in the footsteps of the commenter rather than walk the path of my own principles.

Exactly, it’s all about you and your emotional reslience in the end. Someone throws a curve ball. Okay… so are you gonna use it or let it zip by? Because with the right juicing/milking/reframing you can pick apart that (critical) frame of mind and expand your own perspective.

Plus, it takes balls to not run away from what might look dangerous. And that builds confidence. ;)

Thanks Kelley, yes, the plan was originally to talk about choosing function over dysfunction, especially when it comes to communication. And then it happened that interacting with the negative comments was a natural way to provide tangible examples.

As it turns out, the negative commenters are doing lots of the legwork by providing excellent examples. And that they are on-topic to the articles makes it even cooler!

Heidi, that’s so great to hear. Especially as I respect your journey, insight, and blog. :) I very much look forward to further nitpicking in the future!

A very timely post (for me).

Yesterday I received a negative comment on an old blog. The gist of the comment was: “Bla bla. Worst poem ever.”

My initial reaction was: How can I milk this comment so I can learn the most from it? I told my wife about it and how I found it very interesting. She thought I should just ignore it.

What I found interesting about it is that the poem I wrote was about a religious topic, which seemed to have struck a nerve with the commenter. He didn’t think the poem was bad, but could not tolerate its message. But rather than express his disagreement in a respectful manner, he decided to be disrespectful.

This triggered a string of ideas about how we understand religion, relate to it and treat those who disagree with our religious views. Had I simply ignored the comment or condemned the commenter for being an idiot, I wouldn’t have walked away with a lesson to learn from, and I’d be following in the footsteps of the commenter rather than walk the path of my own principles.

I haven’t approved or responded to the comment yet, but I thought I should write a blog post to explain the mindset that could lead to such comments.

I think we’re on the same wavelength here. ;-)

Deliberate improvement can only occur if one first recognizes that something needs improving – and being accepting to criticism is helpful in identifying things that may need improving. Sorting out the intention of the one who has criticized is a different challenge. I think good friends and well-meaning people criticize in a considerate, mindful manner, while others who are not so well-intentioned may criticize for various reasons, perhaps often for their own benefit (to feel better about themselves). And the latter seem to sometimes say things with the intention to cause harm – perhaps these types are best ignored.