I try very, very hard to be less serious, to not let things bother me. It’s a tremendous effort to be ‘laid back’.

How is that working for you?

This is not meant to be critical (thought it definitely sounds that way) but there comes a point at which ‘healthy’ meets ‘reality’ and unfortunately, ‘reality’ wins.

There’s a point when you choose pessimism over constructive experimentation and essentially “give up” and compromise yourself. “Reality” talk is one way to justify giving up. You co-create your reality every single day. Conforming to dysfunctional social norms is an individual decision.

Taking things personally does not have to result in lost jobs and relationships. Although a degree of taking things personally might help you realize that you’d rather pass on certain jobs and “relationships.”

Great timing! Would you be interested in describing a little more how taking it personally would have allowed you to see that you both were projecting fear onto the other? Because what you are describing is that being highly *irrational* (taking it knee-shaking personally) would actually let you see things with much more *clear* thinking!

Haider, another wavelength synchronicity eh? ;)

Can’t wait to read your article on the topic, this one was a draft for waay too long!

“While there is some good in not taking things personally (e.g. not being offended when our beliefs are questioned)…”

Yes! I like to think about this type of “not taking things personally” as having healthy mental *boundaries.* And good strong boundaries come from tons of genuine emotional work and introspection. Being able to establish mindful boundaries is like the reward for all your hard work.

“…it is wrong to ask people to detach themselves from the things that matter to them, and that includes their emotions and ambitions.”

Exactly. Telling someone not to take things personally is basically telling them how_they_should_feel. Pretty righteous if you ask me.

Awesome for you Haider for not settling for less with your career, thanks for sharing. :)

While there is some good in not taking things personally (e.g. not being offended when our beliefs are questioned), it is wrong to ask people to detach themselves from the things that matter to them, and that includes their emotions and ambitions.

I quit my job because I couldn’t waste my life under poor management. I couldn’t see the project I was working on and felt passionate about being trampled on for political gains.

It takes a personal investment to engage in the things that matter to us, so it’s only natural that we take them personally.

Yes, it’s good to remember that you are not the center of other people’s stories. And I would say, only after you first believe that you *are* the center of their stories, if that’s how it plays out with your emotions. The next article is lined up to talk about this timing thing in more detail.

I’m absolutely with you about acknowledging and sitting with my emotions, and letting myself be at the center of my own story.

At the same time, I find that it does help me to remember that I am not at the center of other people’s stories, and often they’re on their own trajectory not even noticing that something might be painful for me. Yes, I sit with my feelings of abandonment around that!

Like most “common sense”, I think there’s both a damaging and an affirming way to interpret “don’t take it personally.” Thanks for the thought-provoking post!