Comments on: Why You Need to Take Everything Personally

By: “Personal” Training « The Relentless Climb of a Bull

“Personal” Training « The Relentless Climb of a Bull — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 21:19:31 +0000

[...] decided to google it. (Why not?) I found this article: Take Everything Personally. It resonated with me because it put into words what I have been trying to for years. The article [...]

By: Carlo Alcos

Carlo Alcos — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 05:06:53 +0000

This is a very interesting take on this topic…I wrote about the same thing, but from a different angle. “How a Fly Reminded Me It’s Never Personal”

I see the point you’re making, to honour your true and real emotional reaction to something. That is important.

By: Melissa Karnaze

Melissa Karnaze — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:47:08 +0000

I try very, very hard to be less serious, to not let things bother me. It’s a tremendous effort to be ‘laid back’.

How is that working for you?

This is not meant to be critical (thought it definitely sounds that way) but there comes a point at which ‘healthy’ meets ‘reality’ and unfortunately, ‘reality’ wins.

There’s a point when you choose pessimism over constructive experimentation and essentially “give up” and compromise yourself. “Reality” talk is one way to justify giving up. You co-create your reality every single day. Conforming to dysfunctional social norms is an individual decision.

Taking things personally does not have to result in lost jobs and relationships. Although a degree of taking things personally might help you realize that you’d rather pass on certain jobs and “relationships.”

By: Robin

Robin — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:25:39 +0000

Sorry about the negativity, but this kinda hit a nerve.
We are discouraged from taking anything, anything at all personally. According to the world, it is never ‘about us’. If we get offended, hurt, or ‘upset’ it’s our own fault for having expectations to begin with. Or so it goes. Unfortunately, if I had kids, I would encourage them to not take anything personally, either. Otherwise, they’ll suffer a lot more in life. Lost jobs, relationships, the works. I try very, very hard to be less serious, to not let things bother me. It’s a tremendous effort to be ‘laid back’. To not react, or get upset, or emotional. Otherwise, a life of social isolation will probably result. I know, I’ve been there. This is not meant to be critical (thought it definitely sounds that way) but there comes a point at which ‘healthy’ meets ‘reality’ and unfortunately, ‘reality’ wins.

By: Melissa Karnaze

Melissa Karnaze — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:41:00 +0000

Pat, wonderful to hear you worked it out together. Thanks for sharing that experience! It’s amazing how much more you can see when you let yourself sink into your emotional experience. :)

By: Pat

Pat — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:11:55 +0000

I received an email that I took personally on a strictly superficial basic. Had I taken it into my body so personally that my knees were shaking BEFORE I fired off a pissy response I would have understood what was actually being conveyed. My sending the email troubled me so I went back an read the initial communication. Only then did I take it deeply within to see what I was doing was not helpful to the person. I was projecting some of my own fear and they had realized that. I was able to talk to the person before they read my inappropriate email (yes it said things that I did not really mean). At that time I told them what I ‘heard’ in the email and they acknowledged that yes they were trying to let me know they needed to work this out without having to deal with my emotions playing in as well; and in as kind a way as possible. It was cleansing and healing for both of us to have this genuine and frank conversation. Thank you, Melissa, for these articles. I have been working on these issues for sometime and they are very enlightening to me!

By: Melissa Karnaze

Melissa Karnaze — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 01:05:37 +0000

Pat, it’s so wonderful to see you here! Yes, the knees shaking part just seemed like the natural description. :P

Great timing! Would you be interested in describing a little more how taking it personally would have allowed you to see that you both were projecting fear onto the other? Because what you are describing is that being highly *irrational* (taking it knee-shaking personally) would actually let you see things with much more *clear* thinking!

Haider, another wavelength synchronicity eh? ;)

Can’t wait to read your article on the topic, this one was a draft for waay too long!

“While there is some good in not taking things personally (e.g. not being offended when our beliefs are questioned)…”

Yes! I like to think about this type of “not taking things personally” as having healthy mental *boundaries.* And good strong boundaries come from tons of genuine emotional work and introspection. Being able to establish mindful boundaries is like the reward for all your hard work.

“…it is wrong to ask people to detach themselves from the things that matter to them, and that includes their emotions and ambitions.”

Exactly. Telling someone not to take things personally is basically telling them how_they_should_feel. Pretty righteous if you ask me.

Awesome for you Haider for not settling for less with your career, thanks for sharing. :)

By: Haider

Haider — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:28:08 +0000

“Take It Personally” is the title of a blog post sitting in my Drafts page :)

While there is some good in not taking things personally (e.g. not being offended when our beliefs are questioned), it is wrong to ask people to detach themselves from the things that matter to them, and that includes their emotions and ambitions.

I quit my job because I couldn’t waste my life under poor management. I couldn’t see the project I was working on and felt passionate about being trampled on for political gains.

It takes a personal investment to engage in the things that matter to us, so it’s only natural that we take them personally.

By: Pat

Pat — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:15:23 +0000

“Taking something so personally it makes your knees shake” – this is an appropriate description. What an uncomfortable feeling that is! One I experienced yesterday. I wish that I had birthed it longer before I responded. If I had I would have recognized each of us had projected our own fear onto the other and my response will only make the situation worse. I wait with baited breath for the follow up article about timing!

By: Melissa Karnaze

Melissa Karnaze — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:11:40 +0000

Great to see you again Sonia!

Yes, it’s good to remember that you are not the center of other people’s stories. And I would say, only after you first believe that you *are* the center of their stories, if that’s how it plays out with your emotions. The next article is lined up to talk about this timing thing in more detail.