Self-help is a multi-billion dollar industry for a reason.
People want to improve their lives, health, and relationships, and they’re paying good money to make it happen.
But no matter how much self-help funding you have, you won’t find success unless you realize what self-help really is.
What is self-help?
Self-help is help that stems from the self. Rather than help provided by another, like a mental health professional.
So instead of paying for a professional to give you the answers you need to improve you life, health, and relationships, you actively seek those answers by buying books, subscribing to blogs, listening to audio tapes, taking the red pill, attending lectures, participating in workshops, and so on.
So you don’t listen to a professional persuade you on how to get better or improve your life in some way (though you closely consider the advice of self-help books).
Why does self-help work?
Self-help works because it’s much easier to persuade yourself than have a professional (or even just another person) persuade you.
Because no one can persuade you of something that you don’t already believe or are open to at some level.
You can sit in therapy for years, being told to leave an unhealthy relationship — but you won’t move an inch until you see for yourself how exactly the relationship is draining the life out of you.
Self-help has an edge on professional help because you don’t waste time listening to things that you are going to be in denial about anyway.
When your therapist tells (or strongly suggests for) you to leave a relationship, you won’t do so until you are ready.
Chances are that when you pick up that book about how to end a relationship — you’ve already made the choice to end it.
Self-help is self-persuasion
“Ultimately, nobody can get more out of things, including books, than he already knows. For what one lacks access to from experience one will have no ear.”
Self-help success is all about persuading yourself to make positive changes to your life.
The secret to doing that is being transparent about your relationship with yourself. Because after all, one part of you is trying to persuade the other parts of you to do something differently.
Self-persuasion only works when you work with your emotions
Persuasion is hard to pull off when it comes to messy areas in life like relationships and happiness.
And that’s because as much as you can come up with all sorts of “logical” reasons to change your behavior — your emotional self (Inner Child & Ego/ Subconscious) run much of the show from behind the scenes.
And it takes a lot to persuade your emotional self to:
No amount of bullet-pointed conscious reasoning can remedy what are at core — emotional problems.
So in order to master the secret to self-help success — skillful self-persuasion — you need to be mindful of all of your emotions. Because if you don’t work with them, they’ll get in the way.
And you can read book after book after book after book — but just like in therapy — it won’t mean a thing if the message isn’t getting through to you.
So clear out those emotions so the messages do get through.