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by Melissa Karnaze

Remain balanced BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Getting in touch with your emotions is hard. Or rather, getting in touch with your negative emotions is hard.

Because when you do, someone will be there, just around the corner, to call you mean names and paint you out as evil. WOMENRA schedule, When you're just starting to get in touch with your inner crass, and learning how to use your discernment for good, people around you aren't going to like it.

They'll fidget and try to throw rocks at you. Do anything to shut you up, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION.

Because they're too uncomfortable with their own inner feelings.

Now, it will be tempting to snap back at them when they accuse you of being "too negative" or "whiny" or "unproductive." Crass does come before class after all .

But after a while, WOMENRA without prescription, you'll notice that firing back only wastes your energy and time. And they're still judging you as evil after it all. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, The smarter, more resourceful, most productive thing to do is to remain balanced.

What it means to remain balanced

You're an individual. You've got your own ideas and opinions about things. When you're confident in what you believe, you go through life being balanced. Order WOMENRA online overnight delivery no prescription, You spend time and energy on things that you believe in.

You don't waste time and energy on things you don't believe in, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. And you don't waste time an energy fighting against things you don't believe in. (It's really the same thing.)

So when someone comes up to you and hollers in your face: "Hey, you're wrong man. I'm right. You suck!"

It doesn't phase you. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, If you have an emotional reaction, you attend to it in private, or confront the clown with mindfulness.

When you're really confident in your beliefs, no one can crack you open, buy cheap WOMENRA. You'll remain completely still. You won't feel compelled to react. And you'll deal with the situation in the way that best conserves your time and energy so that the clown will get out of your face and you can go on with your life -- continuing to spend your time and energy on things that you believe in.

You may decide to consider his words, or reassess your beliefs based on his claims, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. But in the end, it's done with mindfulness and care. It's done so that you can better understand what you believe and why you do. WOMENRA reviews, It's done for more long-term balance -- yours.

How to remain balanced when under accusation

Okay, so what if that guy isn't a clown. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, What if he's your significant other or your boss or your neighbor. Then you've got a trickier problem.

The bottom line is that anytime someone tells you that you're "too negative" -- or implies that you are -- you've got a problem. It could be that your negativity puts the other person in danger or harm's way. And if that's the case, you need to hear them out and figure how you can keep things safe for both of you, WOMENRA blogs. (Venting without asking the other person if they want to hear it isn't safe.)

But most of the time, it's that the other person is just uncomfortable being around you when you express your negative thoughts or feelings -- and they want to make you wrong so that you'll stop, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. When this is the case, remember that feelings can't ever be proven wrong; when they exist, they exist.

To remain balanced when someone accuses you of being too negative, you need to keep perspective of the situation and plan your constructive course of action.

5 steps to remaining balanced when under attack

1. WOMENRA cost, Get clear on where the culprit was coming from (that's usually you)
When you voiced your negative thoughts or feelings, were you simply voicing an opinion, or were you asking for one. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Were you bringing to light a problem. Answering someone else's question.

In other words, what was the social context. What was the dynamic of the relationship. When a cashier tells you you're being too negative for complaining about food prices, WOMENRA dosage, it's a much different context than when your mother tells you you're too negative for requesting that she stop ordering you around.

2, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. Figure out where the accuser was coming from
Were they simply interrupting you when you were saying something negative. Did they try to control you. Did they try to shut you up or put you down. What was their ultimate aim. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Was it to avoid listening to what you had to say. Or to strike back in anger because they didn't like what they heard?

3. Effects of WOMENRA, Figure out what the claim is and where the evidence lays
The claim might be obvious, or it might point to something else you have to pick apart from what's said.

"You're being too negative" could mean, "Oh stop it already," "I'm not ready to hear this," "I'm uncomfortable around you when you express upset," "I wish you would tell me what you want from me," or "I can never please you." If you can't pick it apart, buy WOMENRA online no prescription, you might have to ask the person.

Whenever someone tells you that you're being too negative, they're misplacing their own problem onto you and trying to make you out as the blame.

It's important to weigh the evidence, if there's any, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. A big part of that process includes step #4.

4. Figure out if the accuser contradicted themself
The biggest way that an accuser can contradict themself is by dodging the culprit's attempts at working things out or trying to come to an understanding. WOMENRA online cod, Usually, the accuser makes their claim and folds their arms across their chest as if they have nothing else to say. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Or they walk away. Or they get defensive when you try to engage them in discussion. That's counter-productive, and thus negative. Because it's not constructive, it's not collaborative. It's an opportunity for learning, order WOMENRA from mexican pharmacy, growth, and cooperation -- wasted.

Another way that an accuser contradicts themself is by making the claim at all, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. By saying that you are being too negative, they are making a negative statement. They're not saying that you're positive, or a critical thinker, Purchase WOMENRA, or honest about how you feel, or aware of problems, or trustworthy for your discernment -- you're negative, which implies you're bad. Their calling you bad is a negative thing itself. That's how they contradict themself without even knowing it.

BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, 5. Decide on your final verdict
After you've poked holes into the accuser's claims, kept a broader perspective, cheap WOMENRA no rx, and remained true to your original negative thoughts and feelings, you can make your final decision.

How are you going to respond the most constructively. Are you even going to respond at all.

How are you going to go on with your life -- given their claim. Are you going to consider it and find the faults, as well as the good points made (if any), BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION.

How are you going to use the accusation to ultimately help you in living your life with balance by committing your time and energy to things that you believe in. WOMENRA overnight,

A Mindful Construct example

Since this is the kick-off example for the article series "Juicing Negative Blog Comments," we'll refer to a real-life example from this blog.

In this scenario, the culprit is me.

1. Getting clear on where the culprit was coming from
I wrote the article "The Dark Side of Mindfulness Meditation BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, " to shake people up to the potential dark side of mindfulness meditation: escapism.

It pushed a lot of readers over edge because they misinterpreted me as saying that monks don't deserve to live and meditation is the root of all evil.

The careful readers weren't offended at all -- some who are regular meditators. Maybe they saw that I'm not against meditation and do think it can be wonderful and powerful, get WOMENRA.

Where was I coming from.

Seeing all the mainstream "Me too!" attitude so typical of the West, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. Where Americans (professionals included) take on a practice unaware of its dark roots and richer backstory, and thus unaware of its potential dysfunction. I wanted to show that others who are ready or already see it.

2. Figuring out where the accuser was coming from
On June 10, WOMENRA forum, 2010 at 4:50pm, commenter "derek" accused me of spreading fear and doing the wrong thing by talking about a problem rather than offering a solution:

"A lot of fear. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, You could explain the benefits of proper meditation and self education in meditation. It is not about hiding from emotions but how to accept them for what they are, feelings we experience. It is good though to warn people of downfalls that can happen through blind faith. Take it easy."

In addition, he advised me to take it easy -- implying that I was sitting on the edge of my seat while writing the article.

In telling me that I should have explained "the benefits of proper meditation and self education in meditation" instead of writing the article that I wrote, comprar en línea WOMENRA, comprar WOMENRA baratos, he overstepped a boundary. First of all, he's not the editor of this site, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. And secondly, I didn't ask for his opinion on what I should have written instead.

The accuser was coming from a place where he felt compelled to control my behavior.

3. Figuring out what the claim is and where the evidence lays
The claim is that I'm a bad person because I'm perpetuating fear and only talking about problems. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, The claim is that I'm a bad person because I'm talking negatively about the sacred institution of meditation. WOMENRA class, If you don't think mindfulness meditation is an institution (independent of Buddhism itself), just take a look at all the commenters attacking me.

I happen to think that derek was really saying, "I see your point, but you don't offer any solutions, and that irritates me." Of course he could leave a comment here and explain himself if he wants to be honest, but my guess is that he doesn't really want to extend the conversation. And that leads us to the next step, herbal WOMENRA.

4. Figuring out if the accuser contradicts themself
The most obvious way that derek contradicted himself was by telling me that I should have explained "the benefits of proper meditation and self education in meditation" of writing the article that I wrote, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION.

We're going to get nitpicky here.

There are two things that derek is talking about, problems and solutions. According to him, I'm talking about problems, WOMENRA samples, and should be talking about solutions.

The thing is, his comment follows similar suit. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, He talks about problems: the article has a lot of fear in it (which is problematic), I "could explain the benefits of proper meditation and self education in meditation" (which makes the article lacking or off-course, and thus problematic), and apparently I'm wrong about meditation (which is a problem) because it's "not about hiding from emotions but how to accept them for what they are, feelings we experience."

That second point may seem like a solution -- giving me what to write about instead (which supposedly isn't problematic) but it doesn't give me much to work with. And it's in ignorance of the fact that a vital part of education on benefits is an education on pitfalls.

I'd love to write about how to meditate in a functional way in the future. But the bigger fire to put it out is -- all the ways that meditation can negatively interfere with your emotional life. And I'd rather focus on readerships ready for real emotional work before trying to bridge to meditators who are predisposed to use complex techniques to avoid or dissipate or "observe" their emotions.

Another contradiction lies in the last part of the comment:

"It is good though to warn people of downfalls that can happen through blind faith, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. Take it easy."

Derek does acknowledge the importance of looking at downfalls, buy generic WOMENRA, or pitfalls. He does agree that blind faith isn't helpful, but hurtful. Yet, he can't reconcile that acknowledgment with the fact that I'm not taking it easy enough. That I'm apparently riled up and perpetuating fear. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Which seems to invalidate the fact that warnings are useful. WOMENRA coupon, His contradiction is an indication that he probably understands that warning people of potential problems is a good thing -- but emotionally it's too uncomfortable for him to embrace himself. Therefore, by my being the negative messenger, I'm out in the open and easy to attack.

Here's the bottom line: If derek were truly sure of the goodness of warning people of downfalls, he wouldn't have been offended by the article, because he'd see it as containing this goodness.

5, WOMENRA from canada. Deciding on my final verdict
My final verdict was that derek got upset by the article (like most of the commenters there did), didn't know what to do with those feelings, and chose to channel that by accusing me of being wrong in at least two ways, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION.

I chose to respond most constructively by not responding directly to him (because he really left no room for conversation) and instead juicing his comment for this article that you're now reading.

I do think that derek's statement about the value of offering meditation education is valuable. I hope to get to it someday.

How have I used the accusation to ultimately help me in living my life with balance by committing my time and energy to things that I believe in?

I believe in you. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, That you're reading this article instead of all the superficial stuff out there means that you care about your response ability and this planet. You care about your emotional health because when you're strong and you stand by your goals, you change this world for the better just by being you. Order WOMENRA no prescription, I believe in arming you for emotional resilience. Comments left on Mindful Construct are a microcosm for your relationships; internet discussions are a microcosm for in-person communication. When people attack me here, we can learn something from it. You can be better prepared to respond with mindfulness and care when your significant other or your boss or your neighbor attacks you in similar fashion, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION. That stops the cycles of dysfunctional relating, and makes this world a better place for all of us.

How to apply this to your life

People love to jump on you when you're the bearer of bad news -- or being "negative." It's only natural because they themselves are uncomfortable hearing, let alone sharing the message.

But stay true to your thoughts and feelings, no matter how negative they are. Learn how to work with them constructively. BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION, Learn how to use them for positive mobilization.

And remain balanced when you can. It takes practice, but you can get it. And you'll end up far more confident, productive, and effective in your life.

What do you think?

What do you think about derek's comment. What do you think about how I'm responding to it, BUY WOMENRA NO PRESCRIPTION.

Are there any other comments on the site you'd like to see featured in this article series.

This is the first article in the series "Juicing Negative Blog Comments," where I deconstruct real comments left on the site. As an opportunity to talk about healthy deflection, nuances in communication, mental boundaries, recognizing when people invalidate you, and figuring out what to do about it. Subscribe to get updates when this series expands.

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy July 2, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I love this. I’ve always suspected that negativity has its proper place in this world and that we all need to first acknowledge the negative aspects of life and relating to be able to fully see the problems for what they are and find appropriate solutions for them. Sometimes, there are none–AND, THAT’S OKAY, TOO.

I totally agree: Most people are interested in controlling another. Sometimes their tactics are sneakily applied such as in the above-mentioned scenarios.

Melissa Karnaze July 2, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Great insight Amy. Yes, sometimes the most positively constructive thing you can do is admit that there are no solutions to a problem (or at least not obviously).

So much of communication is about trying to control the other person, it’s insane when you really look at it and how common it is in all aspects of society. It’s so scary to just be honest, direct, responsible for yourself, and real… but it’s much more effective in the end.

Esther July 2, 2010 at 9:01 pm

I usually look forward to new postings, but I find myself disappointed by this new series “Juicing Negative Comments.” I think Derek made his comment in good faith, and you may have blown his criticism out of proportion. Derek’s critique was well-balanced but you treated it as if it were an attack. Please take a careful look at your response to Derek and ask yourself if you are not being unnecessarily defensive.

As the editor of a blog that purports to teach people how to deal with emotions constructively, you should set a good example by not eviscerating your own commenters and then claiming that they were the ones to shut down discussion.

As a long-time reader of this blog, I notice that you tend to post comments that are wholly uncritical of your position. A moderator’s job is to control spam or trolls and not to censor dissenting opinions. Since you solicit opinions at the end of your posts, consider posting all responsible comments, whether praising or critical. I think you will develop a community that will encourage, rather than deter, commenters. If you believe in an open exchange, I hope that you post this comment.

Jalus July 2, 2010 at 9:25 pm

Gassho Melissa,

“So much of communication is about trying to control the other person, it’s insane when you really look at it and how common it is in all aspects of society. It’s so scary to just be honest, direct, responsible for yourself, and real… but it’s much more effective in the end.”

I agree. You have the freedom to chose your path as do I; without judgement. Yes?

How wonder~filled!

In Metta
Jalus

Namaste

Melissa Karnaze July 3, 2010 at 10:29 am

Esther, I appreciate your honesty.

However, there are some things in your comment I’m going to address.

“As a long-time reader of this blog, I notice that you tend to post comments that are wholly uncritical of your position.”

Are you assuming that there are more critical comments than positive ones? How do you know which comments aren’t approved? Because you can’t know all of the comments that are submitted.

“A moderator’s job is to control spam or trolls and not to censor dissenting opinions.”

Again, you’re assuming that I’m censoring dissenting opinions — where’s your proof?

Also, it’s not your job to tell me how to do my job as a moderator and I did not ask you to tell me how to do my job as a moderator. Steve Pavlina spells it in “Free Speech in Online Communities: The Delusion of Entitlement.”

I can see why you defend derek so — you do the same things he does.

You’re telling me that I have problems. But instead of talking about solutions, you accuse me of being too negative.

Could I write an article for this series deconstructing your response? Of course. (Your comment makes a stronger case for the article itself.) Deconstruction is what Mindful Construct is all about. And it will only move more into this in the future.

Now you’ve called that evisceration. I call that brute honesty in a world that’s often afraid of the truth — especially with regards to negative emotions and the dysfunctional ways that people relate and communicate to one another. You need to look at what’s going on, even if it isn’t pretty, if you’re ever to create your life as a mindful construct.

“I think Derek made his comment in good faith, and you may have blown his criticism out of proportion. Derek’s critique was well-balanced but you treated it as if it were an attack. Please take a careful look at your response to Derek and ask yourself if you are not being unnecessarily defensive.”

I’ve bolded the instances where you’ve told me that I’m wrong. Saying that I’m wrong doesn’t prove that you are “right.”

In other words, if you want to be a serious long-time reader of this blog who constructively shapes future content, back up your claims in a constructive way, and talk about how you feel rather than how I’m to blame.

Hi Jalus, thank you for you comment.

Yes, we all have the freedom to choose our own path. And even though the freedom feels good, it’s also a huge responsibility!

Which is one reason why people spend all their time trying to control other people’s path — instead of shaping their own. This relates to codependency, focusing on others’ peoples problems instead of solving your own.

As for “judgment,” we all have the freedom to decide what makes our path right for us, which involves noticing what makes someone else’s path wrong for us — without making them wrong for doing what they decide to do. That’s my take on making a judgment without being judgmental. :)

Jalus July 3, 2010 at 3:31 pm

“As for “judgment,” we all have the freedom to decide what makes our path right for us, which involves noticing what makes someone else’s path wrong for us — without making them wrong for doing what they decide to do. That’s my take on making a judgment without being judgmental. :)”

Gassho Milissa,

ahhh yes. My western brain only knew good, bad; right, wrong.
I re-wired it to the eastern thinking of:
SKILLED – IN THE LIGHT
or UNSKILLED – IN THE DARKNESS of IGNORANCE.

Viewed in that light I stopped judging myself and of course, what naturally followed was the same thought for. ALL my sisters and brothers ~
“WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE DO BETTER.” Yes? :-)

In Metta
Jalus

Namaste’

Haider July 4, 2010 at 5:35 am

Hi Melissa,

This is a very important topic, and I’m happy to see you expand on your original post about “juicing negative comments.”

I, personally, wouldn’t publicly deconstruct a comment left on my blog, in the same way I wouldn’t point out other people’s psychological issues to them, or in public.

Honesty is good, but it often leads people to take a defensive stance, which doesn’t foster personal growth. It’s best to address issues anonymously than to use someone as an example for others to learn from.

It would be nice to look at different types of negative comments and how to deal with each kind (e.g. comments that are rude, that overlook the core message behind the post, that misunderstand the writer, that make accusations, etc). There’s a lot to learn from each type, as well as common principles to follow and different strategies to take.

Melissa Karnaze July 4, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Jalus, yes, I would say so. And light and dark are tricky constructions too. The light has a dark side and the dark has a light side. The skill just comes from practice and commitment to finding what works better. :)

Jalus July 4, 2010 at 6:02 pm

“The skill just comes from practice and commitment to finding what works better. :) ” . . .

for yourself. One of the Catholic scriptures I remember NOW has a clearer meaning for me is Paul’s ” Run the race that is set before YOU.”

That means I do not try to pull you off your path and onto mine. Because there are sisters and brothers that are waiting for you on your path ~ so you go girl!

&):-)

Bow to Teacher
Namaste’

Abubakar Jamil July 5, 2010 at 7:58 am

Melissa,

You amaze me with the mental clarity you have attained because without that one can not write like you do.

Your post reminded of this story.

One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.”

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger.

If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you.

You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.” :)

Cory Chu-Keenan July 5, 2010 at 9:27 am

I didn’t read the Pavlina article though I did scan it to get the basic idea. Plus Melissa has stated it simply several times in the past: this is her real estate and if you come onto her lawn with something to say, she’s going to respond. Her response might be a non-response, or a rejection, or a “gee thanks” or a total refutation. But the great thing is that she does respond, and promptly, which is rare and thoughtful.

I almost always leave a positive comment here, not because I agree with Melissa 100% on every word she writes, but I’ll usually only say something if I think it adds to the discussion. (I have mostly commented as “WN” in the past.)

I also sometimes feel Melissa is being harsh on people, but this feeling lasts only initially and is a reaction stemming from decades of being taught “niceties.” When I get back into a more logical state, I realize that what she’s doing is basically walking the walk. She’s laying down her boundaries, logically refuting the commenter’s core positions, and showing by example how to live her concept of “mindful construct.”

If derek really wanted to debate his position, he would have come back with a logical argument. Melissa picked him apart with logic–she juiced him. And she juiced Esther, too. And that’s the vision Melissa has for this world. People calling other people’s bullshit what it is, and people being able to call themselves out on their own.

Now, derek or Esther or anyone can come back and try to juice Melissa, but most people don’t, because I don’t think that they believe in their position strongly enough. Melissa has a philosophy that she’s ready and willing to defend, and so should we all. And we should know how to defend it well.

Now, I know Melissa has said that she doesn’t feel the need to win arguments, but from what I’ve seen on this site so far, she is more than willing to have an exchange with a person with opposing beliefs who knows how to argue reasonably–with logic, without attacks, and by refuting her core points with counter points.

Don’t just say, “You’re wrong, so there.” Say, “You’re wrong, and this is why the opposite is the logical truth.”

There IS such a thing as right and wrong.

Things that don’t make logical sense, are incoherent, are unthoughtful–are wrong.

Things that make logical sense in the real world, are well thought-out, are useful–are right.

I don’t think it was wrong for derek or esther to make the comments they did. I do hope that they eventually learn from their mistakes in order to make better choices in the future. Melissa was only trying to help them along that path, except it wasn’t in the sanctioned hand-holding way. It was in the get off my lawn and come back with something better next time sort of way. Which is really the most efficient method.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, please, please, please read the following article from Paul Graham, “How to Disagree.” It will teach you how to leave more awesome comments.

http://paulgraham.com/disagree.html

TheDropoutKid July 5, 2010 at 10:01 am

Its great to analyze the negativity you may have. And find a way to reverse it into a positive nature.

Anon July 5, 2010 at 10:23 am

These comments are precisely why I shun eastern crap. What a load. It is just another way for people to escape their own stuff. That’s what people do. They latch on to some philosophy and use it to construct yet another, more ‘enlightened’ version of all the former piles of crap they once claimed to want to escape. Indeed, the new boss is the same as the old boss, he simply donned a fresh suit of clothes and changed his name. I feel extremely fortunate because I am able to see it. And so I fired the boss and refuse to replace him. This was step one to getting real and life is a big, scary place sometimes when a person truly accepts freedom. This is why most don’t do it.

Some people are never going to understand human constructs. But I’m glad I found this blog and see that there are others who question things when constructs move in and begin advancing an agenda outside of the conscious awareness of the majority. Not being the only one to see it makes human existence feel a little less ridiculous.

Jalus July 5, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Gassho Dear Readers,

I have no desire to disturb those of you are “right fighters;” I leave now sending you Metta on your path.

Namaste’
Jalus

Melissa Karnaze July 6, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Abubakar, thanks for your kind words. I see mental clarity as directly linked to emotional resilience. Meaning, lack of emotional resilience eventually breaks down or interferes with mental clarity.

From what I’ve noticed, the readers who attack me do so because they’re in (unacknowledged) pain or conflict. So when their comment goes unvalidated, they’re still stuck in the rut, and it may be harder to ignore at that point. Trying to dump your stuff on others or blame them for your own stuff exacerbates the pain and conflict.

Thanks for sharing that fitting story!

Cory, gee, thanks. :P Seriously, I very much appreciate your thoughtful and validating comment. :)

“Now, derek or Esther or anyone can come back and try to juice Melissa, but most people don’t, because I don’t think that they believe in their position strongly enough.”

The psychology of disagreement is huge, but in short, I think the reason that people don’t believe in their position strongly enough to coherently disagree with me (at least by the track record so far) is that they lack the basic ingredient for believing in yourself:

True self-love and self-acceptance, that requires a having a healthy relationship with all of your emotions (and of course ego) — which then leads to self-confidence.

Since I write about having a healthy relationship with all of your emotions, someone who attacks me naturally doesn’t have a healthy relationship with their emotions.

You can imagine it gets ridiculous when it comes to the ego articles. Someone who attacks pro-ego sentiment is truly at war with their own ego (their own self) and that war permeates their ability to be effective not only in conversation, but in life.

And this is one reason why people argue about things, or what’s right or wrong “out there” in the world — they’re too afraid or unwilling to talk about their real feelings (especially the egotistical ones) and what’s going on with their experience of reality.

I’m reminded of what Seraph says in Reloaded, “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.” People don’t realize that when they try to fight me on my own lawn, they’re giving me a lesson in psychology.

“These comments are precisely why I shun eastern crap. What a load. It is just another way for people to escape their own stuff… I feel extremely fortunate because I am able to see it. And so I fired the boss and refuse to replace him. This was step one to getting real and life is a big, scary place sometimes when a person truly accepts freedom. This is why most don’t do it.”

I think it’s very rare Anon to see it so clearly, it’s minority thinking. Most if not all eastern/New Age mentality is about masking the fact that life on Earth is chaotic and scary.

They load up story-telling and abstraction and systems to avoid facing this. They call others outside their group “too negative,” unenlightened, or in the dark. Or they tell them how they should behave without being asked, as if they’re so enlightened and noble to have all the answers.

Thanks for you insightful comment.

Esther July 6, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Melissa,

Thank you for posting my comment. I have read your reply and given it thought, but I still find myself in disagreement. Particularly, I feel that my comment was approached in an assumptive manner, and that my motives behind posting were questioned rather than the content I was trying to address. The end of your post asked your readers:

“What do you think about derek’s comment? What do you think about how I’m responding to it?

Are there any other comments on the site you’d like to see featured in this article series?”

I feel I replied in a way that addressed your questions. I think derek’s comment was made in good faith and tried to offer productive points of discussion. I feel your response was unhelpful and defensive given its content. And I expressed my disinterest, as a regular reader, in this article series that “juices” your commenters. True, my comment was not full of praise, but I tried to offer my critique responsibly, addressing your specific questions, and using language that expressed how I felt/thought.

In reply, you told me I was being negative, that I am falling short of being mindful, and that my comment was ripe for future example-making. Additionally, I was told I was placing blame and afraid of facing your “brute honesty”, your version of “truth”.

As you say yourself, saying I’m wrong doesn’t make you right. I believe this statement to be true. I would imagine then, that telling me that I am negative does not make you positive either. I have never read your posts with the mindset of creating absoluteness in “right” and “wrong”, but rather to deconstruct these constructs, among others. I feel more time was spent here trying to make me wrong rather than finding balance and continuation in discussion, which is something I value in a blog.

I wanted to take the time to reply to you as you took the time to reply to my comment. That being said, I do not anticipate that I will continue as a reader of your blog. I no longer feel that this blog is constructive to my own personal growth or learning to mindfully look at life’s constructs and truths. Best of luck in your endeavors, I hope that we both will both learn and grow in productive ways into the future.

Cory Chu-Keenan July 7, 2010 at 11:29 am

@ Jalus and Esther-

I brought up right and wrong to make a distinction between logical and illogical. It’s okay to be illogical and wrong and make mistakes. It usually fouls something up in your life when you go around doing it, but you wouldn’t learn if you didn’t try it out.

I’ve been wrong a helluva lot in my life, and I continue to be. It’s not about killing the wrong and embracing the right, but there comes a time when, if you’ve put yourself through enough experiences, you’re going to unavoidably encounter some pretty wrongheaded people and you’re going to have to have a standard of what is acceptable and what is not. And it does become absolutism because you realize that beating around the bush just don’t work.

The goal is to build a life. You can build your life without any standards and see what happens. Maybe you’ll get lucky and find prosperity. Or, you could take the higher percentage shot and build your life on a solid, time-tested foundation. There are such things as do’s and don’ts in the construction of your life. Who are you going to let in the door? What are you going to tile your roof with?

I see the seduction of living in a world beyond good and evil, but the reality is that we are far from it.

This blog is not designed to be scripture, but perhaps it will inspire you to figure out what your own preferences are.

Aileen July 7, 2010 at 4:49 pm

“When you’re really confident in your beliefs, no one can crack you open. You’ll remain completely still. You won’t feel compelled to react. And you’ll deal with the situation in the way that best conserves your time and energy” – WOW!!!
I really like how you see things and the insight you share.
I agree with what you said about his response to your post, “If derek were truly sure of the goodness of warning people of downfalls, he wouldn’t have been offended by the article, because he’d see it as containing this goodness.” And I love the response to him -which is this post

WOW, WOW, WOW

Kristalfiel July 8, 2010 at 6:59 am

i’m lovin’ this site..
gives positive vibrations to the readers like me…
thank you!

Melissa Karnaze July 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

Thanks Aileen and Kristalfiel, I’m glad such a negative article came across as being positive!

Jalus July 21, 2010 at 9:46 pm

Gassho Cory Chu-Keenan,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It was very thoughtful of you
I continue to figure out what my preferences are ~ and I know it is not where you have group think.

It is not my path ~ nor do I want to disturb my sister’s and brother’s who are on this path.

In Metta,
Jalus

Namaste’

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