Personal development isn’t just about the good.
As you improve your life, attitude, and relationships, you also develop a bigger ego.
(Not that ego is inherently bad.)
As you learn what works, you start to notice that your new knowledge and skill sets set you apart — from everyone else who’s either still struggling, or not interested in taking any response ability for their life, attitude, and relationships.
Deconstructing personal development
Steve Pavlina defines one core aspect of personal development as:
“[G]etting an increasingly accurate model of reality… understanding how reality works, and being able to interact with reality on the basis of that accurate belief system. The more accurate your beliefs are, the more you’re gonna grow.”
Yes reality is relative, and your life is your construct.
But it’s still possible to update your beliefs to more accurately reflect your personal experience.
Put simply, having an accurate model of reality means being able to better predict the future.
And we usually refer to the “truth” (think science) as that which helps us make better predictions.
So really, developing more accurate belief systems means being “more right.”
The power of belief systems
If Mary’s best friend from high school abandons her to chase down a cute boy, she could give up on having best friends, because: “No one will stay; everyone leaves in the end.”
That belief could govern the rest of her life. Prevent her from getting close to anyone.
But it’s a belief, and it’s not necessarily accurate.
It also discounts personal response ability, as you often train others to treat you a certain way, even if you aren’t aware of it.
Your belief systems give your personal experience meaning.
Without subjective value labels, experience doesn’t mean anything.
Now your beliefs may help explain why things happened, are happening, and will happen.
But if your story is dysfunctional, it’s going to harm you.
If your story is emotionally honest and response able, it’s going to help you — create your life as a mindful construct.
Personal development and belief systems
Personal development is all about becoming more mindful of your personal beliefs.
Assessing whether or not they are (a) accurate, and (b) helpful.
And deciding to do something constructive about inaccurate and/or unhelpful beliefs.
The dirty truth about personal development
As you personally develop and choose more functional beliefs — you get smarter.
If you partner with your emotions in the process — you get damn smarter.
Because you develop more resourcefulness and emotional resilience. This naturally makes you more effective in life. And more successful, however you define the term.
Smarter as in, smarter than other people. Who aren’t seeking to understand their belief systems and mindfully choose response able ones.
(Maybe because they don’t want to own, let alone work with their emotions. Emotions lead you straight to your belief systems.)
By getting better at identifying your weaknesses
You get better at identifying others’ weaknesses.
When you achieve personal success — you can’t help but notice all those inaccurate, dysfunctional belief systems out there in the world.
You see with greater clarity where others struggle. Choose not to learn from their pain. Ignore clear signals that real problems need to be fixed. And do compulsive things that only hurt their selves.
The dirty truth about personal development is that the more you do it — the more pain, struggle, and dysfunction you see in the world.
You can’t help it. Don’t try to fight it. You can’t stave it off.
And you certainly can’t save anyone from their feelings.
It’s not really about ego
When you learn from the mistakes you make, you can understand the mistakes that others make.
When you process your own pain, you’re more comfortable being around others when they’re in pain.
In that sense, it’s not really about an inflated ego.
Because if you can understand how and why a person co-create painful situations or fails to learn from their mistakes, and still empathize with them and accept them for exactly who they are.
That’s compassion.
What do you think?
Share your thoughts below.
Especially if they’re a bit egotistic.
And definitely if you feel passionate about the link between personal development and compassion.
Want to get real about personal development? Then get started working with your emotions today.
