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by Melissa Karnaze

Happy baby CELEBREX FOR SALE, In the Wall Street Journal excerpt of her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Amy Chua claims that Chinese mothers are superior.

Why. Because of tough love. The "[Chinese] solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, doses CELEBREX work, punish and shame the child."

This behavior, she says, Purchase CELEBREX online, arms children with the "skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away."

And Western parents. They're too lazy, ignorant, CELEBREX forum, or afraid to adopt the Tiger war cry.

The controversy of the Tiger Mom

Chua's fundamental argument is based on the assumption that she's the quintessential "Chinese mom."

Except that she co-parents with a Jewish man, and agreed to raise their children in the Jewish faith, CELEBREX FOR SALE. The stereotypical Chinese woman that Chua tries to emulate -- would marry a traditional Chinese man (unless marrying a Westerner would truly please her parents). Generic CELEBREX, So while it may appear that Chua's cultural war cry is a testament to her conscious parenting, it doesn't seem that she's conscious of her concerted effort to brand herself as Chinese.

As The Last Psychiatrist explains, this branding gets in the way of cultural awareness:

"Amy Chua thinks she wrote an essay and published it, CELEBREX price, coupon. Wrong. CELEBREX FOR SALE, The WSJ wanted this kind of an article and they chose one from the thousands available. They chose hers -- a woman's -- because if this same article had been written by a man it would have been immediately revealed as an angry, Comprar en línea CELEBREX, comprar CELEBREX baratos, abusive, patriarchal example of capitalism.

Which is where this comes full circle. Amy Chua thinks she's raising her kids the Chinese way, australia, uk, us, usa, but she is really raising them to be what the WSJ considers China to be: a pool of highly skilled labor that someone else will profit from. On second thought, Discount CELEBREX, that is the Chinese way."

Political correctness isn't the issue

Amy Chua's (reported) parenting style is branded as "Chinese."

That's code for: You can't judge it because then you'd be prejudiced against the Chinese culture.

And if it's an ethnic issue, you're obligated not to comment on how that parenting style is backward, wrong, or just cruel, CELEBREX FOR SALE. Instead, you're relegated to thinking such as, "Well, buy CELEBREX online cod, that's not my style," or "I live in a different culture."

It's not about culture here. Buy generic CELEBREX, It's about children.

And whether or not your parenting style involves child abuse.

Of course, the discussion about the Tiger Mom gets veered off to "culture, online buying CELEBREX hcl," instead of what Chua really suggests: excoriation and shame.

Chua's hypocricy

CELEBREX FOR SALE, "Once when I was young -- maybe more than once -- when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me 'garbage' in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. CELEBREX duration, I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage."
-- Amy Chua

If Chua really didn't think she was worthless -- if she really knew "how highly" her father thought of her -- then why would she change her behavior as a direct result of hearing her father call her garbage, CELEBREX FOR SALE.

It's more likely that Chua did believe her father thought she was a piece of garbage -- at least in that moment when she was acting up, online CELEBREX without a prescription.

Or at the minimum, she was afraid that it would become true, Online buying CELEBREX, that he would really believe that she was a piece of garbage -- if she didn't behave herself.

That's how shaming works. Chua's father only positively regarded her when she was acting in accordance with his standards. CELEBREX FOR SALE, When she didn't, he regarded her as subhuman (or at least he communicated that).

Chua wanted her father to stop calling her trash, CELEBREX cost. The name calling did damage her self-esteem, and she changed her behavior so as to regain her father's approval and restore her self-esteem. After CELEBREX, It's no wonder that Chua doesn't for a moment consider the potential psychological effects of shaming her children (at least not in her Wall Street Journal article).

She won't even acknowledge how being shamed by her parents affected her own childhood and development.

Chua prides herself on having called at least one of her daughters garbage -- but also claims that she doesn't really mean it, CELEBREX FOR SALE. That's cognitive dissonance. You can't have both, CELEBREX online cod. You can't pretend something is true one moment, and then not-true the next. About CELEBREX, Or you can, in which case you have some serious wounds to heal, from your own past, and in your current relationships, buy CELEBREX from mexico.

The myth of the Tiger Mom

CELEBREX FOR SALE, Chua's Jewish American husband has some dissenting views on her parenting philosophy, as she explains (while also jabbing at him):


"Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. Where can i order CELEBREX without prescription, And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."

This undoubtedly undermines some of her efforts.

But the parent dyad is not just part-American. Chua is a Chinese-American herself.

She can't be a "true" Tiger Mom (if they exist), because she's inundated with American culture, CELEBREX FOR SALE.

The gift of cultural diversity

Chinese-Americans have a unique opportunity to pick and choose from both cultures, CELEBREX photos.

To reassess their collectivist cultural upbringing and their individualistic Western perspective. To discard the dysfunctional programs of both cultures. Buy CELEBREX no prescription, The brilliance of walking between two worlds is that you can select the best beliefs, practices, and behaviors -- by your own standards. CELEBREX FOR SALE, Chinese, American, and other parenting styles usually have good intentions -- "doing what's best" for your children.

It's in turning intent into action where parenting styles differs, effects of CELEBREX.

And without respect of "cultural correctness," shaming your children, CELEBREX pictures, even if it does help them succeed by your own standards, has the unintended consequence of harming your relationship. That's not so easy to see. Sometimes it takes years for the wounds to surface, no prescription CELEBREX online.

Emotional wounds aren't always as tangible, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist, CELEBREX FOR SALE.

Defining success

One of Chua's daughters got accepted into Harvard, months after her mother's book became a bestseller.

In the public eye, that accomplishment is supposed to validate all the years of excoriation and shame she probably endured.

A college degree may equal success for some people. For others, it might be job stability. CELEBREX FOR SALE, Or it might mean raising children without abusing them.

Or teaching your children to do what they want with their own life (whether or not college is in the picture). And showing them how to be resilient and carve their own path, with your support and love all along the way.

Success is a relative term.

But it usually has to do with healthy living, following one's passions, and cultivating loving relationships. Money can't buy quality relationships, and as social beings, relationships are the most valuable things we have, CELEBREX FOR SALE.

Accomplishments don't heal wounds. Conformity leads you away from your passions. Social status isn't a substitute for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

The controversy of the Tiger Mom revolves around the assumption that success equals getting into a prestigious college. CELEBREX FOR SALE, It excludes a real discussion of what success actually means -- for you.

You're the only person who can define success for yourself, regarding parenting, relationships, or life in general.

What do you think?

Feel free to share your thoughts below.

About the Author: Melissa Karnaze was raised by a Chinese-American mother, and both she and her mother agree that Chinese-American parents have a unique opportunity to break away from the dysfunctions of their upbringing, creating a new cycle for future generations.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jim April 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I am not gonna comment on your argument on hypocrisy.
Just the part about the Chinese Mothor brand.
As a Chinese I say Amy Chua is very much a “strict” Chinese Mother. It doesn’t matter who she marries to or where she lives or gets education. The philosophy and methods she used are very traditional Chinese.

To be fair, Amy Chua is on the more strict side of the Chinese Mom spectrum. I think there are two reasons (1) Her parents are first generation immigrants, at a time (early 1960s) that immigrants need to work very hard in order to occupy a position in the mainstream society. She was brought up under strict and structured education from her parents. (2) She and her husbands are at the highest level (academic wise) so she has especially high expectation for her kids.
Not every Chinese mom expect their kids get A or maintain straight A. Parents do know their kids’ potential. However Chinese moms do expect their kids to work hard and do their best in school.

Melissa Karnaze April 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm

It doesn’t matter who she marries to or where she lives or gets education. The philosophy and methods she used are very traditional Chinese.

I argue that it does matter. We wouldn’t call a white mother Chinese just because she uses “traditional Chinese” parenting methods.

John April 24, 2011 at 1:19 am

Thank you Melissa for another excellent and thought provoking article. You are obviously perceptive and fortunate enough to appreciate the benfits and joys of living in a free thinking, multicultural “melting pot”.

“Good parenting” has nothing to do with pushing your children to achieve what others will praise you for (what wonderful children you’ve produced!”) but everything to do with imparting honesty, fairness, enlightenment and compassion; dispensing good advice and encouragement/discouragment when required; steering towards independence and self sufficiency and a desire for your children to be genuinely happy.

Any praise we receive for having great kids is a happy by-product.

Obviously, there are always dilemmas in child rearing. What if your child truly dreams of making millions of bucks in the banking sector or arms industry when they grow up?

The Chinese tendency to push children to ever greater heights of academic(and therefore financial) success has, perhaps, as much to do with providing the parents with financial security in old age as a true desire for a happy and fulfilling life for their children.

Melissa Karnaze April 24, 2011 at 9:47 am

Hi John, thanks for your comment!

I share your definition of “success” in parenting. Children may have their own dreams that may have nothing to do with what their parents want for them. That’s life, and loving parents learn how to accept that. The letting-go part is difficult (just like it is in any relationship), because it means allowing children to make their own mistakes.

I hadn’t thought of the financial security in old age angle, it could very well be a factor.

I’m grateful that my multicultural upbringing has given me a glimpse into the Chinese and “American” cultures without being so immersed in either one that it’s hard to keep perspective.

Amy Chua’s (Westernized) exposure of the darker aspects of traditional Chinese parenting makes the topic much more accessible to Westerners who may not know what’s considered normal inside the home — beyond what plays into the stereotype of “good student.”

Iain Gray May 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I’ve gotta say, when I read Ms Chu’s article a few months back, I found it repulsive. However, I suspect that’s the effect she was going for – by positioning her book so strongly against all of the “child centred” books that make up the mainstream of parenting literature, she’s bound to get talked about.

As for the approach she was advocating? Well, as a relatively new parent (of an 18 month old), one of the things that’s struck me most is how ‘religious’ people are about childrearing.

Most people will insist their approach is best, because that’s the way their parents raised them, and they turned out just fine. (or alternatively, they totally hate the way their parents raised them, and therefore the opposite to whatever their parents did is the right way)

I personally agree with your philosophy Melissa, but then I was raised an only child, from a comfortable middle-class family who never really wanted for anything. My own happiness in life was paramount to my parents, and in that goal they’ve succeeded. I intend to pass that on my daughter.

Maybe if I’d been born into a large family who were struggling to eat every day in a developing country, I’d believe in a totally different way of raising children.

Melissa Karnaze May 6, 2011 at 8:10 am

She said that she did exaggerate at times, and I also think she was going for as much attention as possible, which is understandable when writing a book. Thanks for your comment Iain.

Rachel May 10, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I just want to say, I think it’s important that we keep in mind that Chua’s style of parenting skews toward the traditional Chinese style of parenting. And while some people can’t fathom ever treating their children in this manner, well, there are lots of Chinese people who can fathom treating their children in the manner we do. It all depends on the lens you’re looking through.

Alison Golden May 20, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Hi Melissa:

I read the book and wrote a blog post on my impressions of her parenting style. I could go on and on.

Apart from the abuse suffered by her children, one of my concerns was her complete lack of introspection and emotional intelligence when it came to her own upbringing. The top down parenting she endured and passed on doesn’t allow the child to evolve into a someone who knows themselves, what they want from life and how to get it. She herself bounced around all through her twenties until she found work that suited her yet failed to make any connection between that and her upbringing.

The book was full of ironies like that that left me slack-jawed.

The WSJ piece was undoubtably provocative on purpose – to promote her book and the WSJ. I hope she was smart enough to realize she was a pawn in both the WSJ and her publishers promotion strategy and that the money she earned along with the ego strokes she may feel were worth the public excoriation.

Melissa Karnaze May 22, 2011 at 8:07 am

Hi Alison,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the book as well. I can only imagine how difficult it is to figure out what you enjoy after enduring such verbal abuse as a child. Getting into a top university doesn’t solve that problem. Getting a high-paying job doesn’t either. And becoming a bestselling author certainly doesn’t. If this generation (I’m using this term loosely) of Chinese Americans has better financial opportunities, hopefully the next will have more freedom in pursuing those opportunities they truly value.

A Chinese Mom June 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Melissa, Thank you for your excellent review.

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