Do you think your opinion matters to me?
Do you think it’s at all valid?
Well, you shouldn’t, because your opinion is dead wrong.
For at least six reasons.
Let me enlighten you.
(I’m doing you a huge favor.)
1. Because I say so
If I say your opinion is wrong, then it’s exactly as I say — wrong.
[Well, only in my opinion that is. Everyone else is entitled to their own opinion about the “rightness” or “wrongness” of your opinion.]
2. Because correct opinions exist & I can discern them
All opinions need to be adequately substantiated by the correct facts.
[Never mind that facts are cleverly disguised human opinions, and that we don’t actually “discover” facts, but that we co-create them…]
I am the authority on what constitutes a correct fact [because I say so] and thus what constitutes a logical and thus correct opinion.
[Also never mind that an opinion, which is supposedly the opposite of a “fact,” by definition cannot be accurate or inaccurate. But simply just is.]
I’ll repeat myself: If say that you’re wrong, since I’m supported by the facts — then I’m right andyou’re wrong. End of story. (Unless you seek the path of enlightenment.)
But technically, you’re still wrong even I don’t say it, or otherwise point it out to you. That’s how wrong you are.
3. Because I have the facts to prove it
Furthermore, my opinions are always adequately powered by correct facts.
[Yes, I know, “correct” facts can’t technically exist in any 100% objective form, as even scientific observation is filtered through human bias, but just bear with me. You know what I mean when I say “correct fact.” I’m talking about what the consensus on a correct fact is. By the way, I have no idea exactly who determines the consensus, and if it’s usually the majority, or the minority (as it was with Copernicus) that’s right. All I know is that my opinion is heavily weighted in that consensus. In fact, I’d dare say that in some cases the consensus is my wisdom taken verbatim].
I cannot be wrong. That is not opinion. That is (correct) fact.
[And isn’t it interesting that I have to qualify “fact” with “correct”? I guess that reveals what we humans really, deep down, think about facts. If there can be correct and incorrect ones, then calling something a fact doesn’t really make it one…? Never mind, enough with digressions. I can’t afford to keep sharing my inner thoughts, most likely submerged from my conscious awareness, lest you start to pay more attention to that than to what I explicitly say. Besides, we’re getting to the meaty reasons.]
4. Because I’m $!%@&! pissed off by how wrong you are
Through #1-3, I’ve established that I’m right.
It naturally follows that my bullshit detector goes off whenever I encounter someone who’s wrong (namely, you).
Obviously, my bullshit detector is indestructible. And it’s due for a Guinness World Record any time now.
So one of the — I should say — many reasons I’m so convinced that I’m right — in addition to the obvious fact that I definitely am right — is that you really tick me off.
That you could have such a baseless opinion is beyond me. [Never mind that everyone, no matter how stupid I think they are, has some reason for their opinions. And that it’s my kind of reasoning that world leaders use when invading and otherwise violating other nations.]
How could you be so stupid and plain wrong?
Okay, I’ll admit it’s not the end of the world. Because if you pay attention, you’ll learn from me. I might even help you. Or save you from your own stupidity. (You should thank me now.)
5. Because I feel so compelled to correct you
Following the logic of #4, if I feel compelled to correct you, then it’s because the universe desperately depends on me to correct you. I, of course, don’t believe in cosmic fate, but I do know how to answer The Call.
Anytime I feel so compelled to correct anyone, it’s because they genuinely, absolutely, right-in-that-exact-moment, need to be corrected. It’s not because, as most ingrates would contest, that there’s something “narcissistic” or “compulsive” about me. Just because my shrink has told me so, doesn’t make it so.
[By the way, it doesn’t matter that by spending inordinate amounts of time trying to correct you, I neglecting other “important” areas of my life, especially those opportunities wherein I might be able to help others in “real” need — those who actually want my help, appreciate my opinion, trust my logic, and will apply my advice directly to their life. Nope, that doesn’t matter. Why? Because it’s a known fact that correcting you is more important. Don’t even try to argue with me on this one. You’ll lose before you even start. I’m especially right when it comes to how best to allocate the intangible resource of time — I know the absolute best and most productive way to spend my time and I always do it. That is, after all, why I’d gladly spend (read: waste) my time arguing with you.]
6. Because your wrongness actually hurts me [I’m afraid of you and/or what you represent]
Finally, in line with #4 and #5, I feel hurt by how wrong you are. That means something — no, everything.
My emotions don’t lie.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? You’re so horribly wrong that I’m in physical, emotional, and mental pain because of you. And again, the opinion of a shrink or any other woo-woo psychoanalyzing person is worth $0.00 to be exact.
[Never mind that I’m really upset with you because of some other unresolved issue from my own past. Or that I’m perceiving you as some threat to my existence or way of life, or some virus that will infect other helpless minds who have no recourse but to assume and accept all you say as being fact — when you don’t explicitly have a disclaimer that what you spout is mere opinion. You are an evil in this world. You’re making this world a worse off place. And I’m going to make you pay, not only for your injustice, but for injuring me with your ignorance. Because we all know that telling you how you’re wrong sure as heck is going to convince me that you’re wrong.]
/Sarcasm
No one can argue against your opinions, or your feelings, beliefs, intuitions, or convictions. They just are, plain and simple.
Okay, well people can try to argue against your opinions, or your feelings, beliefs, intuitions, or convictions.
But that doesn’t mean that:
- They’ve convinced you that they’re right
- They’ve convinced you that you’re wrong
- You even value or care to listen to their opinions about your opinions
- It’s worth your time to argue back
If I say I’m the King of All That is Right & Logical & Valid — that doesn’t make me a king.
Even if anyone can claim that your opinion is “wrong” — it doesn’t make your opinion wrong.
Technically, opinions can’t be right or wrong; otherwise they wouldn’t be opinions.
That any opinion is “wrong” — is an opinion in itself.
Of course, that’s just my opinion. What’s yours?
Inspired by comments received for last week’s article, this is the 5th article in the series: “Juicing Negative Blog Comments,” which explores constructive themes emerging from seemingly “negative” comments left here.
Do you want to learn more about how to get in touch with your opinions (your emotions), as well as how to better appreciate and understand them? Then check out the free 10-part e-class, Your Life is Your Construct, which gives you practical tips on how to work with and learn from your negative emotions.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Brilliant Melissa. I’m glad I agree with everything you say!
Your most ingenious post yet. Fact, not opinion.
You’re like the Jonathan Swift of blogging.
I heard a quote this morning from filmmaker/musician Ben Stewart:
“Intellect is just a choice between A and B.”
I had to think about that one for a second before I heard the truth in it.
A will kill B, or vice versa, before they see that there’s a C that is actually a superior position to both. But everyone always thinks they’ve weighed out all the “facts” to come to their highly intellectual opinion.
I like the way you put an emphasis on “consensus” as being the overarching fact of the moment. That idea deserves a full post.
This is great, I agree with you and therefore you are controlling my mind :) I love it.
It’s so true though. Have you ever visited a forum on controversial topics? Just read through the attempts at “debate” and it turns into an illustration of your posting above.
Great work!
Thanks for the feedback guys!
Cory, yes the consensus issue is a complex one, and of course very relevant today. One of the many neat things about the internet is that the “consensus” is sort of bleeding out into alternative or counter-cultural outlets, such that the dominant mass media isn’t the only channel shaping expectations about “what” the consensus is.
Artisan, from my many speculations on internet “debates,” it’s always fascinating how being “right” is valued more than actually learning something from the “opposition” — especially so as to strengthen your *own* arguments.
Melissa,
Very true, it’s typically not what we can learn from someone else, or so it seems when observing “debates” online, but how well we can convince others that we’re so awesome. Do you know forums like these, or rather, aren’t most of them all the same?
Ah…I must say….excellent article Melissa and also an excellent site. Perhaps I should have read more of your site before unwittingly making comments in a genuine attempt to discuss your articles on mindfulness.
What are your views on people who purposively do not provide any support or references for their “opinions”, knowingly post disrespectful comments and evade directly answering questions just to to consolidate their own personal construct – have you noticed this – they try to poke a reaction out of people who question their opinions in an attempt to obtain a preconcieved/controlled reaction which boosts their personal construct so that they do not have to question it. Although it is underhanded wrt the other participants in the discussion, it is clearly an interesting way to control discussions if that is what they are trying to do and they are in complete awareness of their mindful construct (ego) – a bit like mind control I suppose?- However, if they don’t recognise they are doing it their ego is clearly out of control and I think they need help don’t you?- .
PS – I think a lot of the discussions on this site especially to do with mindfulness are assuming that the ego of western psychology means the same as ego as defined in the East – such as in Buddhism – whereas I have always understood them as two very different things and the distinction is very important – do you have any views in this?
Karma, in light of this and your most recent comment, I’ll simplify the dynamic on this website:
1. I offer my opinion in the form of an article
2. Readers can share their opinions/reactions in the form of comments
That’s it. Nowhere is it stated that I will agree with all comments, or defend the points I made in the articles. I’m not (that) interested in what people-who-want-to-argue-with-me or tell me I’m confused or wrong think; I’m more interested in those readers who (even partially) get what I’m saying and have gotten value out of the articles. I’m not writing to convince *you* that your views on mindfulness are dysfunctional; I’m writing to potentially validate other people, like Anon, who get what I’m saying and/or need or want some extra support and clarity on the topic(s) and/or have an open mind.
Now, from you most recent comment, it seems that you’re insinuating that my articles do this. Is that so? Because if so, this is not a genuine question, but more reminiscent of a veiled personal attack, in which case I won’t respond.
Yes, the two concepts are different, but also similar. Freud termed the ego as that part of us that can and does try to reconcile the different tendencies of the id and supergo. In that sense, ego strength is “good.”
Yet in pop psychology (not academic treatment of the ego concept, which is rooted in psychoanalytic theory), ego is in many ways an opposing concept to what Freud actually proposed, and is “bad.”
If we’re talking about Buddhist psychology, then there is no “true” self, and the self-concept is just something that we cling to. However, Buddha wasn’t against having any self-concept, because we do need a conventional sense of self in order to function in a society full of other people.
It’s the New Age or religious branch of Buddhism that clings to the term ego, as a, if not the, root of evil. I haven’t come across the term ego in academic Buddhist psychology writings — which is different from other Buddhist writings in that any spiritual or religious component is stripped.
To learn more about my views of the mainstream use of the term ego (which collapses across the New Age/Buddhist and pop psychology versions), you can browse the archive for related articles.
Thank you for your response Mellisa – especially the explanations of the different interpretations of the ego.
I do feel I am always criticising you – although I do wish I didn’t have to. Also, having read your previous comment I do think your motivations are probably genuine but misguided- and your comments still concern me:
“I’m not (that) interested in what people-who-want-to-argue-with-me or tell me I’m confused or wrong think; I’m more interested in those readers who (even partially) get what I’m saying and have gotten value out of the articles. I’m not writing to convince *you* that your views on mindfulness are dysfunctional; I’m writing to potentially validate other people, like Anon, who get what I’m saying and/or need or want some extra support and clarity on the topic(s) and/or have an open mind.”
Exactly what you have said there worries me greatly – some people are not trying to just argue with you for the sake of arguing nor are they trying to convince you that your wrong – they are posting opinions so that participants in a discussion have a balanced view – otherwise what’s the point in commenting just to say I agree with everything you say – apart from boosting Mellisa’s ego? Do you think you have an open mind in validating only people who “get you”?
Also, it’s concerns me greatly if you think you are helping people like Anon by validating them just because they agree with what you say – I am not specifically speaking about Anon here, but you have no knowledge of the mental state of the person your validating – you don’t even know them – that can be extremely dangerous when dealing with the mental health of people, especially when dealing with issues like trauma – you can’t even contemplate what that validation will mean to a person. I am not saying this to win an argument I am merely hoping you will bear this in mind before simply validating people because they agree with you and disprespecting people who don’t agree. That is a closed mind with an over-inflated ego.
Unfortunately, you have declined to answer my question “What are your views on people who purposively do not provide any support or references for their “opinions”, knowingly post disrespectful comments …..that they do not have to question it.” This was merely an observation of mine on the topic being discussed – however, if the cap fits, wear it.
I discovered you website thinking it would provide balanced and open discussion on topics such as mindfulness – unfortunately, I have found it to be closed minded and misinformative with no basis whatsoever and disrespectful, anti Buddhist and potentially dangerous to the mental health of vulnerable people.
As you can imagine I am intending to bow out of commenting and for all those who continue to comment on your articles …well that’s up to them, but I very much hope that no vulnerable people are hurt by your concept of “online therapy” – i.e. just telling them that their perception of what you are saying is valid because they agree with you – that frightens me just typing it.
….sorry – one last thing – I know you have a disclaimer on your site(before you simply refer me to that) but I have represented vulnerable people with mental health problems and my wife is a cousellor and pschotherapist and I can assure you the more mentally vulnerable a person is the less likely they are to look for and if they find it read a disclaimer – let’s be honest, the disclaimer is on your site to protect you not visitors to your site.
With the whole thing which seems to be building inside this specific subject material, a significant percentage of points of view tend to be fairly refreshing. Having said that, I am sorry, but I can not subscribe to your entire strategy, all be it exciting none the less. It seems to me that your comments are actually not completely justified and in actuality you are yourself not really fully convinced of the assertion. In any case I did enjoy looking at it.
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