Besides that, there is much confusion about how SPECIFICALLY to practice mindfulness, and I know from experience that one could easily lead themselves astray ‘internally’ by trying new things, for example. My point is that there is much ambiguity and uncertainty surrounding the practice, and my intuition tells me even the author of this web agrees at this point ;)

I am well aware of the existence of paradox. Some paradoxes are true, and some are false. You can’t stretch everything into a paradox or a double-meaning. Right is not wrong and wrong is not right.

You have to stand for something or else you’ll fall for anything. And detachment, no matter how you wanna brand it, is not something I will ever subscribe to. It’s nihilism.

At the buddhist meditation center I attend they use this imagery often by stating that:
“You are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions, you are the space between them.”

I think the last part of the phrase may be something that is lost in translation or removed for the “KILL THE EGO” warriors. At the center I attend they do a pretty good job of balancing messages with a caveat of “but don’t go over board here.”

In my interpretation, the being as the space between them acknowledges their reality but separates a self from them at enough distance to be able to observe them more clearly rather than being ruled by them.

I agree with your observations above, however, I think the meditation can be useful. It’s more of an -in the trenches versus the helicopter view- of the forces that impact our behavior. So by taking the time to separate from our thoughts, mind, and emotions, we can more easily see their impact and their motivation. I believe the original message is that we are more than these forces, not a victim or slave to them.

I am not my mind, I am not my thoughts, I am not my emotions… HOWEVER, those things really impact my life and not always in a good way, and yeah, I need to own them. But my self is the balanced space between them.

Maybe this will help those who hold fast to that mind think, it’s not about denial, its about distancing to allow for observation. Be centered, and observe how your hard wired thoughts and feelings impact your life so you can tweak the connections. Just be more than your wiring.

(As an aside from this article, I found this site by researching codependency and felt that article was REALLY REALLY good. Wish me luck on getting over that fun little relationship killer. And your welcome page says happy holidays. It’s May. Can we get an update?)

So right or wrong, Gega’s opinion may not hold true for you but wouldn’t you say is nevertheless valid (and true for him) given that how he’s tried to define and apply what he is calling an attitude of “detachment” is something that seems to be working well for him without it hurting anyone?

As far as labelling goes, I believe whether a label is appropriate (fits) or not will vary depending on circumstances and context. I think it largely depends on how it’s used. In which case a label could hold several different meanings; one definition possibly the polar opposite of the other. Both are right (and wrong). When there is a lack of one universally accepted absolute or even when opposing parties jointly consent to agree to disagree adds nothing to making (my) life less confusing.

I feel that detachment is never healthy no matter how much one tries to justify it. You said:

“Detachment doesn’t mean “I don’t care about you”. The “I don’t care about you” attitude is actually an ‘Attached’ attitude.”

and

“when we are ‘attached’ we only care when we are rewarded and don’t care when we want to hurt another.”

This is a twisting of definitions similar to Orwellian Newspeak such as, “War is Peace” and “Freedom is Slavery.” Just because you believe the words you’re saying, doesn’t make them true.

Also, life is not comparable to a movie. Or tennis. Or martial arts. Life is all these things and much much more. In a relationship, it’s not the greatest idea to think of it like a competition or a piece of entertainment. This the worst of the worst detachment and apathy that we are currently experiencing as a culture.

My philosophy: Care about everything you possibly can. Remain attached to pain, pleasure, and every emotion.

No one can live their philosophy perfectly, but we can’t fall into the trap of mislabeling things as they are. Things are confusing enough as is.

The Idea that Mindfullness meditation and practice having negative side effects is more basised on lack of understanding, which I have also gone through myself.

First of all, Mindfullness is not a brief period such as a half hour to 2 hours or longer. Mindfullness Meditation is a 24/7 process. It is both a means AND a end. The idea that you have to mediate again to get the ‘high’ is only true if you only do though short meditation periods.

Second, Detachment is a relationship is in fact VERY healthy. Detachment doesn’t mean “I don’t care about you”. The “I don’t care about you” attitude is acually an ‘Attached’ attitude. because when we at ‘attached’ we only care when we are rewarded and don’t care when we want to hurt another.

While detachment might “seem” the ignorant, and by that term I simply mean those who have not learned this yet, that detachment is “I dont Care” is the opposite. There is a story told in manly different origins but they are always the same in the tale. A man loses a horse, everyone says “Thats horrible” the man replies, “we will see”. The Horse then returns with another horse, everyone says “how wonderful” again the Man says, “We will see” The Son of the Man tries to ride the new horse, falls off and breaks his leg. Every one says “How Horrible” the man says “we will see”. War breaks out, young men are being called to fight for the country, yet the Son of the Man cannot go because of his broken leg. and on and on the story goes.

This is a example of a person who is “detached”. He doesn’t get angery or upset that his son’s leg is broken, after all that will not mend his son’s leg. He still lvoes his son very much, but realizes that a greater work is happening. Think of the Phrase “a blessing in disguise”.

Third, this is something that I myself sometiems forget. Mindfulness is NOT about being and emotionless/thoughtless stiff. Meditators tell you, or they should if they know what they are talking about, Meditation is not about surpressing thought or feelings. it’s about accepting thoughts and feelings.

Think of it like this, say two people are watching a movie, one person is getting very emotionally involved, while the other is just watching. Your Feelings are your bodies reaction to your thoughts. and your thoughts ofen play out in your head like a movie.

The Idea is to watch to movie, with out becoming identified with it. in other words, “FEEL” your negative emotions, but don’t get caught up in them. “THINK” your thoughts, but dont get absorbed in them.

This really came together for me when I read the Book “Inner game to tennis” it talks about being present/focused/mindfull (Same thing pretty much) during a match. This causes skill to increase, talent to expand, and time to seem to slow down.

Martial arts, such and Kung Fu/ Tai Chi/ Yoga etc are all about ‘movement meditation’ Meditation isn’t about shutting yourself out of the world, like a hermit.

Last, Have you ever seen those Yogis who drive sharp into thier skin? this ability does not ‘surpress’ pain. Pain, the pain we feel in life, comes from our resistance to pain. We can see this when we are stressed. When we resist the stress we feel, our bodies lock up in knots.

I’m a Martial Artist and I leanr to embrace the “pain” and I feel vertually nothing with being struck.

Check out some videos of Iron Shirt or Iron Body. This is the power of heightened and well developed minds.

Just wanted to thank you for all that you give here on Mindful Construct. The web is a battle between constructive self-help that truly works in the long run, and dysfunctional self-help that feels good in the immediate but slowly destroys sense of self, spirit & mind morphing you into someone, or something, you never intended to become.

Everyone is on a journey. Some people are riding predictable grooves that will lead to predictable outcomes. Some of these grooves are healthy, some are not.

More courageous folks stay away from grooves altogether, jump over them, or use them as slides for fun–but they choose a harder path. They choose to create their own grooves. These are the pioneers.

Mindful Construct has been trailblazing the self-help sphere all along, and for this I will always feel in debt to your presentation of information here.

Thank you, Melissa